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Hi! I know that what I said above might sound bad, but I really am kind of nice, I am empathetic and for all I know I also recognize and does have emotions. I feel like I need to let this out of my system today since it is making my heart palpitate for I don't know why.
So here it is. When I first transferred on a new dorm, there is a stray cat that kept going and bugging (literally) every one of us, some who are allergic to cats, some who doesn't like cats and even cat lovers (of course for them it is kind of cute, but they agree that the cat is very agressive). That cat likes to always trespass our rooms, playful bite our feet, and every annoying thing it can do that made it very hard for all of us to go outside our rooms. Then one day, it went inside our room and since my roommates are not fan of cats, I carried the cat outside but then it scratched me a little. Maybe because my hands are wet? But my sister had carried the cat many times with wet hands and it never happened. Then after a series of events, I took four shots of anti-rabies vaccine. I can prove to you that the cat really is a problem in our dormitory.
Now, whenever I see the cat, I kind of disliked it after what it did to me so I spray it with water. Then, due to the new policies the dorm implemented to discipline the cat which was now adopted, I sprayed it whenever it bugs me, disciplines it. But one day, when I discovered it was caged and I heard its cries, instead of empathy, I felt amused, slightly relieved, and also it became a music to my ears, like I feel very happy it experiences that kind of pain and its cries makes me more (I cannot describe in a word but happy). I really am guilty for feeling this way but trust me, I really felt alive when I heard its cries.
It was actually caged to be vaccinated. After that, kit was released again and less aggressive than before. Our dorm implemented to always close the door of the common bathroom as the cat pees and it becomes hard for the janitor to clean, they also recommended us to spray it that is why I did the above. But one thing I recently discovered which might be bad for me. Sometimes, if people aren't looking, I lock the cat in the other room (it has a window where it can escape since that is where the cat also enters). I always did that whenever it enters again for the cat not be able to enter our premises. And later, aside from locking the cat inside the bathroom (yes bathroom even if it pees), i did that since I discovered it is afraid of heights. When the cat also tried to go outside using the big tank of water, I showed it that it might fall inside the water but then I saw it shaken its body and got frighten (it felt cute to me and funny). Then it likes gesture itself to go down. Funny thing it knows how to jump up but not down. Then I helped the cat which I find cute (at this point, the cat looks really cute to me and I do not dislike the cat anymore honestly). Then it followed me when I went to the utility room, when I saw it is asking for help to jump outside the window, I helped it again. I like the cat now honestly, but I realized I like seeing them that scared and helpless and I do not know if that is teasing but I like locking them up to not be able to enter our premises in a room where there is a window they can escape to since that is where they entered, I find it also funny to spray water to them. I do not know. Tell me do I have a problem?
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If this happens with every other animal or human, then i think you should be concerned about it and get some help. If its jus this particular cat.. then my guess would be that you have associated the feelings you felt when it scratched your hand and you had to undergo the treatment, with the cat. Nonetheless, its better to have a medical consulting if you have questions or doubts about something that you think might be dangerous for yourself and others.
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