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Long story short I've been through a lot of sexual trauma and grooming throughtout my entire childhood and it's caused me to be very hypersexual. In my adult years I have gotten better at controlling it but I've noticed when I fall back into a depression, relive trauma, when my anxiety and paranoia are spiking I fall back into being hypersexual. None of this excuses what I'm here to talk about but I need some advice
My bf and I (f22) have been together for 4 years by next month. These past few months I've been having a very difficult time with my childhood traumas. I've been starting to relive it, have nightmares, I'm starting to remember things that I thought I was crazy for thinking happened. I'm struggling with healing and I just feel like I'm going downhill fast. It's been so hard realizing I went through so much.... during this time of falling into a depression and reliving everything I've noticed my sex drive increase insanely. I already have a high drive but I feel like how I was as a girl again. I want male validation so bad.. from anyone it's like I get desperate. My bf and I have sex give or take once or twice a month. Sex has always been the only issue we have in our relationship. He doesn't want it and I do all the time. It's been extremely difficult on my side but I've put sex to the side for him for years now. Ive masturbated 1-3x a night since I was 9.
This last month was the hardest on me. I made a huge mistake that I regretted instantly. I cheated for the first time. I sexted a friend and have been getting close with him again. We've been friends since I was 10. He was there when I went through everything and there's just this comfort that revolves around him because he knows my trauma when no one else does. I love my bf so so very much but I gave into this hypersexual loop I've been stuck in my whole life. I know I need therapy I'm working on it. I just don't know what to do. I feel so lost. I've never thought about cheating or leaving until in a trauma related depression. What do I do.. we have our issues in our relationship but he doesn't deserve this.
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I wonder how you are working on therapy. You should see a therapist as soon as possible especially as you know you know this is what you need to learn how to put your traumas behind you and to get on with your life in a happy and healthy way.
You and your boyfriend are sexually incompatible and should talk about this. Both of you can see a sex therapist to get help to possibly come to a happy medium. All the best.
ReplyI understand where your coming from. Sexual addiction is no joke. It can take serious toll long term wise. You have to get to the root cause. Therapy will definitely work but its crazy expensive. If you want something relatively cheap check out women skills by Jeff reinke. Its a curriculum that will help carve out childhood traumas and replace it with absolute truth. Im telling you, I've seen this curriculum change women's lives. please give this an effort.
ReplySpeaking from experience - I have lived through some form of hell also. You should consider mixing faith into your life. We are all sinners, so confess your sins to our creator, and repent. When Christ Jesus died on the cross for our sins - he gave us redemption, and he gave us the Holy Spirit to be our comforter and advocate. Ask the Holy Spirit to live in your heart and to be with you always, in the name of Christ Jesus. Pray to God daily to give you strength to overcome your struggles, and to help you see the light. I hope this helps.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
Luke 2:29-32
Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you may now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation, which you have prepared in the sight of all nations. A light for revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel.
Mary, Mother of Christ, intercede for us with your prayers, now, and always.
And after our worst deeds - never forget God forgives us when we repent through Christ Jesus, when we change our minds and our actions.
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