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Your love for me was never true. Your words for me were never true. Your actions for me were never true. But before I know that, I thought it was all true. All true. That you will never leave me. That you will always protect me. I thought you are capable of loving me until I realised that you are just unable to love anyone, except your very beloved grandpa. Maybe, he has given you all good things than bad things. Maybe that's why you were scared to lose him. I know I will not get that type of love for myself. As much as you loved your grandpa, you will not love me. Maybe, I didn't reach that level in your life. But your existence in my life has left a scar. Maybe not just one, but many. I truly, loved you so much. I still do, if I am not, I wouldn't be crying for you. Even at this moment, I am thinking about you. Maybe, I was a fool to justify your actions. Maybe, I was a fool to think that someone like you is capable of loving me. I really am a fool. I trusted you with my whole heart. I was happy to be with you. But my happiness is taken away by the same person who gave me happiness a couple of months ago. You are my most handsome, cutest, lovable, smart one but now you are nothing other than a narcissist, a manipulator, a gaslighter. I miss you. From the bottom of my heart. I miss you. But I don't want to be with you. I don't want to be with someone who destroys me. I love you but I don't know why I love you. I want to let go off you but how? Tell me? What did you do to me? It's painful. It hurts. To be stuck in a place like this. Where I can't walk away at the same time I can't stay. Where I have to hide my real feelings so that I don't get destroyed at the same time, I love you so much that I can't think of leaving you. But your intention was not the same. Until I talked about killing myself. Until that moment, you were ready to leave me. I am glad if I made you happy. If me being completely broken, made you happy, then I am glad. At least I can make you happy in this way. But love does hurt. Love is never easy. Love may look exciting and amazing but in the end, it just ends up being the understanding. If there is no understanding, there is no love or maybe love full of pain. Remember, that I love you so much forever. The scars that you have left are the outcome of how stupid I was but at least it reminds me of how much I loved you and still I do. I really don't want to stop writing this but I know everything has an end. And I am very scared of the end. The end.
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