All I want was to play as a kid, not to experience harassment.

I was 9 years old back then. My mom always let me play in my uncle's house. Well, their family was big. The in-laws my uncles visits their house most of the time. My playmate that time was my cousin. We play, eat, and sleep together. I was young back then. I was happy. Until one day...

The brother-in-law of my uncle played with us. I do not find it weird. I was a kid. I thought he just want to play with us. Until, he sleep with us. But he is always beside. My cousin always love to cover ourselves with blanket and imagine that we are in the space. We also did that with that older guy.

What I thought was normal was the start of me not falling asleep soundly ever again. While we were covering ourselves with blanket, he tried to reach my shorts, he touched me. He put his fingers in between my legs and in my chest. He told me to be quiet and so I did that. He would do that everyday. Every playtime.

But when mama died, I rarely visit uncle's house and so the he stopped. My father left us when I was still 3 years old. I would always remember the past every time I close my eyes. I tried to end my life several times but I guess I will live for a longer period. That guy now has a family, and when I sometimes visit my cousin, I ran into him. He would say, "oh, you are a teenager now". How I wish to tell him that he brought shit in my life. My head would sometimes hurt from stopping myself to not think about it.

He was sleeping soundly while I was battling with the past every night.