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I SHOULD CHANGE MY NAME TO FAKE.
I recently moved to Northern Cyprus to study, I've always looked up to myself. Self-confident as always thought I was, sometimes even ignorant. So when my school started I didn't have any friends, since I left my close friends back in my home country. So before school started I decided to change, I wanted to be more social than I was. Even though I was pretty social back home and I had no problem with it, but when I did it here. I did my research I looked up a lot of stuff on how to read people and approach new people and analyze the way they move, talk and walk. And how to be more appealing to people , I changed the way I look, I started dressing up a lot better to appeal to Girls, started being more confident while talking using body language a lot, and observing other people's body language and facial emotion and using it to my advantage, and I was very very good at it, and huge amount of friends people are happy when they see me and invite me to places. And it felt good. But it all changed today.
So little bit of backstory to what happened:
there is this girl in my class she obviously liked me because I could tell from the way she looks at me moves and acts near me, because I was reading her very well.
But as human being I messed up with her. My chances with her fell flat when I tried to talk to her.
I talked to her before briefly before. And we had a weird encounter, I couldn't pronounce her name. and I totally forgot when I was about to leave, so I said some other name that has nothing to do with her, and then she started laughing hysterically. I didn't mind it back then, I felt confident but I didn't care. Fast forward a week later which was yesterday, I find her going down the stairs alone so I tap her on the back to talk to her she was startled, cause she didn't expect anyone, but she was comfortable when she knew it was me, and for some reason I got really nervous, for some reason, but I said I wanted to talk to you! She said ok? What do you wanna talk about? I was really nervous I wanted to ask her out but I took way to long to reply I shifted the subject to "Woah! I didn't expect that reply" I asked if she was free later on tonight to go out she asked why do you wanna go out? And I said I wanted to know you better! She said that I can do that in class cause she doesn't go out on weekdays I was like... fine Friday? She said she couldn"t so I decided to back off i could that being really awkward while talking. So I decided to end the conversation in polite way! Said my bye and left a good last impression. But I felt really down the rest of the day! And that lowered my self-esteem it felt like I wasn't really good at reading people which bummed down a bit yesterday but I was good later at night!
So to what happened today! I was sitting with a friend of mine! He was somewhat of a socially awkward person! And he asked me for advice on how I meet new people, I helped him out as much as I could taught all I know about being socially active and a loveable person, I felt good while helping him out he even asked to tell him what I think of him, I told him my analysis of him and I was right, he agreed. But after I got out from there I went to sit down at a table and I started to think of thoughts such as:
This isn't who I am.
Why am I doing this?
Why did I change?
What if my friend finds out that I am not as social as I promote myself?
If I was so good at reading people, why did I mistake that girl's signals?
Why am I dressed in cloths I never wore before?!
Who am i?
And after all of that some friends were waving at to go and sit with them, I went but I was so bummed out! Like even while talking to them I didn't look at any of them in the eye.
I was looking doing and all over the places I lowered my tone, I didn't do anything and I felt like a total fake!!!
I still do even while writing this!
Sorry for the wrong read! I just need help
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Just be comfortable who you are. And that's really impressive how you learnt to read people and send them messages through your body language. Like, really cool.
ReplyThank you it means a lot to me to know that someone actually took the time to read it and help me out :)
ReplyYou're story was of great interest to me. Simply well written. Ans psychology is kind of my thing so the concept of reading people really grabbed my attention.
Reply