I went down a rabbit hole

I was curious

I went down a rabbit hole

Am I right for her?

I met Jessica on tinder

She was cute had a great smile and two cute little pugs.

She was older than me...by 4 years.

On the first date it went great. good food and conversation. We got on the subject of funny names, mine was unique, easy to tease, and so was her married name. I didn't ask about her husband, I assumed divorce, it was horrible of me to assume that. I didn't pry into that right then and there. The night ended with classic arcade games, I regretted not kissing her.

We quickly scheduled a second date. Take out and a movie at her place. I met the two pugs and her cat. I saw her cute little house and her out of home business. Saw old pictures and medals from races. We kissed that night. for a long time. It was tender but never pressing too far. I went home that night feeling good.

I was curious

I looked up her facebook. Limited access without a friend request. I scrolled through pictures the last being side by side with a sailor, it was taken from behind. I couldn't see his face.

I went down the rabbit hole.

I looked at her posts. An article about strong women with loved ones in heaven she posted 2 weeks prior before our first date. I thought of the sailor, I assumed he was killed in the line of duty. I dug deeper. I looked at the comments, clicked on a women with the same married name. It was his mother, profile picture with her son. I had seen this sad tale before. The mother not being so private I was able to scroll through more posts. I knew I was going down a hole where I didn't know where it would end. Guilt that I was betraying Jessica in prying into her past even though the connections to the story were public.

I was curious, I continued down the rabbit hole.

I came across a tribute video, I scrolled halfway through. I couldn't see a boy become a man. I wanted to see where Jessica came into the picture. they had been married 3 years before he died. The pugs and cat were in the photos, they were a happy couple. I couldn't imagine what she thought as I cuddled the dogs that night. The video said "post navy life", An honorable discharge. It mentioned them moving to Pennsylvania, Jessica mentioned moving from Norfolk. The pieces started to fit together, she must have met him while he was stationed there.

By the time of our date it had been nearly 2 years since he passed. I did not know if anyone came before me. Could I be the first kiss after her loss?

I needed to know how he died, car accident? Cancer? I scrolled further. I found the link to the obituary. He had died of pneumonia. I felt he needed something more fitting for his life. He was only 25 when he died. He'd be one year older than me now. Maybe Jessica was dating me because of him. Similar age and height were the only connections I could draw.

I stopped there. I couldn't go deeper. Jessica had not shared this story with me, I felt like a stalker. I wondered if I was mature enough to be a good man for her. Or was I a band aid to mend a broken heart. It was too soon to know but it left me with doubts.

Am I right for her?