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I wrote again to tell you that the emptiness I feel has won me over. The fleeting happiness I feel is losing its meaning. My thoughts have no weight like they I can't find the words. My heart feels like it's no longer there but gone to some desolate planet far away. I have no one to talk to so I write here for the second time. My mother feels like a stranger who just now wants to get to know me when her golden child lost her halo. To her I didnt exist until I golden kid left on the path my mother forged for her. But that turned out to be a bust because Goldie lost her way she got off the yellow brick road and my mom felt like she got left in the twister while dorthy landed in Oz. It's almost laughable that the only way my mom spends time with me is when the others screw up. Hell im screwed up. Inside I'm screaming my friends are people just and mess up as I am and we don't care about each other not really. My sisters we aren't sisters we can barely hug each other let alone say the word family. Big sis is off chasing her baby daddy not giving a crap about taking care of her own kid and other sis the golden girl eloped with a man she's barely known not even a year. Ha it's all funny my mom didn't pay attention to me before maybe it was because I was quite and sarcastic at the same time or maybe she didn't like that I spent more time with my books than I did with her but she screwed us all. She really can't even judge me because she would runaway, drink, and screw anything that moved I mean you have three kids all four years apart with three different guys. And was pregnant at 17. Man did I get screwed in the genetic pool. She is mean and paranoid and hypocritical. She monitors all my text and calls and she tracks where I am all the time even has cameras around the house and not outside had one in my room for god sake. Man if she knew the real me she'd run for the hills. The me that hates everything and wishes for some terminal disease just so I can be special the me that wants to die the me that has no one on her side the me that feels so alone she crys herself to sleep some nights the me that feels she is nothing but wasted energy who has nothing going for her but a job that'll pay well but in the end will make her want to wake up one day an put a shot gun in her mouth and blow her brains out.
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think about how you can do better than your mother. your going to have your own kids one day. learn from her mistakes and don't give up now because you have so much to live for I know that it may look bad now and you may think that I'm going to say some shit like I promise that it gets better but I'm not because u never know what's going to happen in the future. you could be the saddiest or happiest person alive in 2 years what I'm trying to say that you don't know what the future holds for you so don't give up the fight yet
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