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To the days of casualness
Odd. huh.. sometimes I ask myself, well, how did I even get here? But then I begin stepping backwards to retrace my steps and I’m like, ‘oh yeah, that’s how’. In the beginning it was fun. All I had for you was a heart beating for the excitement of the unknown. What was going to happen first? What was going to happen last? In those moments, it was all fun and games. Until someone caught the bug — the likeness bug. Out of likeness I ended the “relationship” that we declared was none. Momentarily, I was hung up. I told you those three big words “I like you” and you said “sorry”. You were half-drunk at the time, I didn’t think much of it, but in the morning you said the same words, and my heart fell. It fell not into a denial stage, but into the abyss of nothingness. I comprehended, and I ended it. My heart couldn’t take it anymore, especially the word “tiffany”.
Originally, I just missed IT. The touches, the smiles, the laughters, the giggles, the mixed drinks, and the company — in that moment, I missed what we did. Now, I miss you. I never know if you’re too busy for me. Maybe you’re with her, or at a bar, or somewhere that I can’t see via Snap Chat. I…miss knowing that you were waiting for me. Knowing that I actually brought unexpected joy to your life. I loved making you happy, and the fact that you appreciated it. It made me envious of you, and your focus for someone else. Those moments I will never take back, but they continuously remind myself that it’s so - much - better… with someone you actually want to be with.
That’s why I let you go.
I loosened my hands, rewired my heart, so you could do so. So you could be with someone you actually want to be with. You fucked with my heart (just a bit), and I’m currently in the process of reshaping it… but there’s no hard feelings. It was all in likeness, all in casualness. Therefore, I depart you with a *mic drop* of an exit - but there’s one thing I forgot..
my top.
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