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Where to start, early 30's, male
Probably going to write the short form out first and if need be fill it out with more details.
Please excuse the writing format and minor grammar issues as its going to probably be bullet points as I think of them as its also 2am (Edit 3am now) here and I'm rolling around in bed with these thoughts going through my head...
Had a high school sweet heart (crush)(from here on out lets call her... Anne) that we attempted to date back in highschool but didn't work out (last year of school 12th grade) (2002ish) lost contact after that for a number of years got back into contact about 8 or so years later... I think 2011-12? In the meantime she had had a daughter... we talked a bunch did stuff together but It never went further than that the time kind of melted together but I think it was around 2012 although might be 2013 that I found out that while we were doing things together talking daily through text I had asked her if she was single still and she said she was as it was coming onto her birthday I decided to surprise her with a big bouquet of roses on her windshield after work on her birthday (totally was not creepy) she was a little surprised (was the point) but everything was fine. no awkwardness or anything.
*edited after reading**yes she knew how i felt about her*
but then what seemed like only a few weeks later she told me that she was getting engaged to someone (never met the guy before) I felt kind of hurt with how it went down (leaving a lot out just hard to write down what happened right now) and pretty well cut off all contact. (although I knew she had gotten married to the guy through the grapevine of my friends in early 2016)
but now.... well late June to be precise Anne goes looking for me at a shop I used to work at the owner said I wasn't in and the owner also kind of new what happened in the past so she (owner) wasn't very helpful to Anne on purpose... then a couple of weeks later Anne goes back looking for me, and again the owner says she doesn't know where I am. This time however the owner tells me that evening about what happened as the owner and I are still friends. I told her I didn't care if she did or didn't tell Anne where I was as I moved on in my life but still was somewhat curious as to what this might be about.
next thing I know another friend of mine has called me out of the blue saying that Anne was looking for me on facebook and gave her number to him to give to me if he could. After about an hour of thinking long and hard about contacting her I decided to and we chatted for a bit.... a bit... yeah... an hour and a half at like midnight on a night when she was working the next morning and had to be up and out the door maybe 7 hours later. So I found out that she was looking to have something... made (trying to stay anonymous here) from where I worked and was wanting to see if I could make it (not sure if the truth or just a story to see me) also found out that she had separated from the guy early this year and as of late May... possibly early June (sorry date is fuzzy) that they were pretty much finished, and that she was going to change her name back and file for divorce.
so this brings me back to where I am now... one of the bigger issues is her daughter (surprisingly) who is now 9 but it really isn't an issue... hmmm hard to explain... let me try. Her daughter is disabled with a degenerative genetic disease, she's a great kid that I never had an issue with... wait back up let me say something before this.
at both times that we separated it was with some heartbreak and I don't want to have to go through the type of heartbreak like that with her again. the issue is because of her daughter I have to be careful with how I tread in this situation because while sure I wouldn't mind just having some fun with this woman and then that be it(hookup and then see you later type thing), I can't do that because thats not the way I was brought up... hell who am I kidding even without her daughter I couldn't do that again just from the way my parents raised me I would be ashamed of myself for it. It would hurt her and it would really put strain on her daughter I think.
oh where am I going with this.... jeeze...
I don't have an issue with her daughter being from someone else and that person not having any contact from birth (that I know of) hell my mother was adopted so I'm fine with this. its just .... I don't want to be some sort of rebound person or just some sort of comfort bag that will have the same thing happen again to.
I have since the phone call texted a bit with Anne and actually just the other evening went for coffee with her which turned into a two hour thing... The real issue I am finding is that I need to know a few things from her before I go any further and devote any more time to her... most importantly why she said she was single to me when it is pretty obvious that she wasn't and why she really wanted to get a hold of me after all these years (again because having this "item" made just doesn't add up to me) I'd also want to lay down that if this is some sort of a rebound type thing where she wants someone for the short term I'm not interested... not in the least sorry... that's not healthy for me, for her, or for her daughter... and I refuse to put any of us through that.
I just don't know... on one hand the bad time were bad... but even at their worse we never had an argument per say that would have been considered as me or her loosing our cool or yelling at each other ... which is really weird if you think about it... Honestly I never yelled at her and she never yelled at me either...
when we were having a good time... when it was good man it was amazing, nothing in the world outside mattered it just felt perfect... make you forget about anything that has you down...Golden... period.
but again I just don't know the thoughts going through my head are one minute: No don't do this, then the next give it a shot lets see what happens, and this is happening repeatedly throughout the day
another issue is my friends and family know about the past heartbreak I have had with this woman so I know it would be a issue that would have to be addressed with them if we were to get together and date.
-mid writing intermission Sorry for writing a book by the way...
(just re read everything my god sorry about the writing structure and grammar my past english teachers would have a fit)
I'm finding that these feelings are starting to slowly grow and I can't let this happen unless I get these answer I need first... I have been a little guarded with her and have kept my shield up with the two times we have been together talking since the original phone call (the other time not mentioned just a quick meetup) so no real physical contact like no touching or kissing or any type of intimacy outside of some very very minor flirting at the last meeting.
I think that if the answer she gives me to her question on why she told me she was single when she wasn;t was that she didn't think I wanted anything more than what we had or that she didn't feel we were that type of a relationship at the time or even that she wasn't sure of her feeling at the time for me, then I might be alright with pursuing something with her but i just don't know... i don't want to and will not allow myself to be played or fall into some sort of friendzone type BS I also don't want to be considered some sort of consolation prize because again that's garbage
The most important thing right now would be to have a sit down heart to heart talk about what happened and then go from there. If she can't handle that and gets upset then I am not going to bother. but it needs to happen the next time we see each other just the two of us without her daughter being around.
now its almost 4am and I'm sorry to make everyone read this last little jumble its just something I needed to put to writing and lay some of it out. if you want to post your opinions by all means just please be respectful is all I can ask
thank you for your time.
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I agree. You need to ask her everything before you decide....
ReplyOriginal poster here. Not much is new... taken a few days break from contact. Going to ask her to go for a coffee on Sunday or Monday as those are two days she has off and just say what I need to say and go from that point... I will update when more information is available... this posting of my original post really
helped put my mind in a better position. Thanks for your time in reading and replying!
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