Lost soul

I am always a second choice. To my parents, to my friends, and to the boys. I'm scared to fully be myself because what if I'm not good enough? I never felt truly loved, honestly I don't know what love is. How does it feel? I don't know and I may never. Please if you have read this far keep reading to hear me out. I am something that my parents doesn't want me to be. It's like if your bi or gay and your parents wants you to be straight situation. Well in my case, my parents are Muslim but I don't believe in that. I wish they would accept me for who I am since I'm their only daughter. No, they would say "if your gonna be that get out of this house" I will when I'm 18. You won't ever have to worry about me again I'll be gone. This isnt something you commonly hear but please listen. I'm so hurt. I don't even know how to explain. Everything that bad happens is because of my parents: why I'm not friends with them anymore, why me and that boy couldn't work it out, why I never go a week without crying my eyes out. I'm starting high school and I'm so afraid that it's going to be hell. That these are gonna be the worst years of my life because I can't do things like everyone else. I can't even follow my dreams like become an basketball player. All because of my Muslim parents. How could you force someone to believe in something they don't? If you love someone don't you have to accept them the way they are? 😔