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I am a 20 year old guy and I've recently realised that I am gay. I started having doubts about my sexual orientation in the early teenage years and I've been having hard time trying to understand who I am. Only in the past months I've completely accepted myself as gay.
I've never had any relationships, sex and haven't even had my first kiss. I feel very lonely and I want to know what it means to love another person. I've been extremely shy and reserved since my childhood and I always find very difficult to communicate with other people. I've never had friends and I've always appreciated being alone but in the past few years I've been feeling the emptiness and desire to have someone beside me. In the beginning it was a desire just to talk to someone, to have someone who cares for me and understands me.
But recently I found myself seeking for something more. I want sex. I feel a huge attraction to male body. Specifically, strong muscular shaved body. Every time I see a hunky athletic guy, I get sexually aroused and can't control myself. I even watch WWE just to see those hot powerful men. The one who turns me on the most is John Cena. I don't care about the wrestling skills or entertainment, I just feel a huge attraction to his huge muscular arms, sweaty chest, toned abs. I often get a boner seeing his muscles working in the ring. I get very uncomfortable when I see a buff guy somewhere in the street, on the bus, etc. because I instantly start thinking about removing his shirt and touching, kissing, worshiping that body.
I am very skinny, short, unconfident, shy and I feel like an ugly nerd. I want to have someone strong with me, I want to feel the power that I've never had, I want to feel big manly arms wraping around my body, I want to hide behind wide shoulders of a strong man, I want to feel his muscles moving up and down when he breathes. But I feel like it's impossible and it's never going to happen. I'm scared of people, scared of talking and connecting. I live in a very homophobic country, so it makes it even harder to approach someone. No one knows that I'm homosexual and I don't know if I would ever dare to tell anyone. I feel small and weak and the muscular guys that make me so attracted also scare me at the same time. They are big, successful, handsome. They don't need someone so weak and insecure as me. They are too good for me. That's how it feels. I've tried excercising several times but it leads nowhere because I just hate it, it's just very unpleasant for me.
I just feel like I need someone stronger than me who would be with me, accepted me and made me stronger.
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Sexuality and how you feel is you. Do not be embarrassed about the way you feel . I know sometimes the situations we are in stops us from coming out. But let me tell you its alright to feel this way. Sexuality doesn't define who you are. You just prefer a certain gender over another and that is nothing wrong. Love is nothing wrong to feel and yearn for.Sex or lust is what the body needs. What the body needs , is what the mind creates. Always remember all this feelings and everything is controlled by the mind. If we can't control our mind it just leads to all this thoughts. Firstly , i think love is all you want and need and you go around searching for it to no avail. And then suddenly the sex cravings start because you just want to try it and see if it makes you happy. Next thing you know you are watching countless "Videos" to satisfy your needs or shall we say pleasure.It is okay at this age to do all this stuff. Don't feel guilty or feel disgraced for doing this. But my advise get all your feelings out and start placing yourself in perspective. Start thinking what do you actually want. Trust me people have so much fetishes and out there someone is looking for you just the way you are. But that doesn't mean you go out looking for it. It will find you , when you get yourself back in control of your feelings. That includes your boner too. Someone out there will love you for who you are and please you don't need anyone to fix you or make you stronger. You fix yourself , you make yourself stronger. Don't depend on someone to do this . alright ? It will get better just go about life slowly.
ReplyWhy don’t you explore your sexual desires, explore your own body from head to toe
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