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Things have been rough lately. Once again, all because of me my mom is mad at my dad, and my dad is smoking more. She's been talking about divorce and all she ever tells me is that its my fault. It's getting hard to ignore and the more I think about it the more it seems like it is my fault. I should have gotten better grades. I should've been better with my chores. I shouldn't have argued with her. I should've started walking home faster. I should have been more useful. Everything just keeps spinning round and round in my head. But now, I think she's actually going to do it. I'm just sitting in my room and I hear the garage door just opening and closing. I keep telling myself it's just my dad, but he's at work. I don't know what to do. She's going through doors and grabbing things now and last night too. I don't know what do. I'm scared that I'm going to see that my mom is preparing to leave and not ever come back. I'm scared that my dad is going to come home and not have a wife anymore because I'm a failure of a daughter. I'm scared thaat, eventually, my dad won't want me either. I try to tell myself she was being unreasonable, that she had a part to play in this too, but I can't. It sounds like lies. I can only think of her telling me she had to throw away a good marriage because of me. Because of me my da's gonna be alone on his anniversary. All because I couldn't bring up that one C fast enough. All because of me. I feel so scared because if she leaves I'm sure she's right. I'll never be anything. If can't get my mother to love me then I might as well forget about anyone loving me romantically. Maybe everyone around me secretly hates me.
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It has nothing to do with you.. I promise. Sometimes parents stop showing each other love and respect them they fight over everything including their children. Divorce is scary. I don't know your mom, but maybe talk to her, share with her that your feeling afraid.
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