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Medical cannabis, social anxiety and trying to get mental help via counseling
6 years ago · 0 · Medical Cannabis, +4
848
So I've always had social anxiety, even when I was 5 years old I had it but it was just put off as me being "shy" like any other kid. I've only tried to get help a couple of time when I was younger and the results were..... unhelpful.
Now that I'm an adult I still have major social anxiety, to the point where I can't be in a crowed store without feeling uncomfortable and eventually having an anxiety attack. This alone tells me that I probably need help and that counseling would probably be a good idea.... but the thing is I have social anxiety and making the appointments and all that require that I do at least some talking with other people. Needless to say it took a while before I finally mustered up the courage to actually make an appointment to see someone. Ok, I wasn't actually the one that made the appointment, my primary doctor insisted that she make an appointment for me when I was getting a refill on my medication and I just went along with it.
So here's where I made a mistake. I got a little questionnaire to fill out before the meeting with that counselor and one of the things it asked about was what medicines I took. I listed the pharmaceuticals that I take and like a dumbass I thought "well, I should be honest, right?" and wrote that I use medical cannabis for my neck pain. I thought "Well, if I use the actual name instead of calling it marijuana she will get that I am a medical user and not criticize me for it." BOY WAS I WRONG. The first thing out of her mouth after she looked the questionnaire over was "So it says here you smoke marijuana" which was a red flag from the get go. Seriously, she supposed to be a medical professional and yet she still calls is "marijuana", a clear sign that she doesn't "believe Medical cannabis," or something stupid like that.
I probably should have just left the minute she said "marijuana" after reading "medical cannabis" in my questionnaire because the rest of the talk was focused on the fact that I smoke. She pretty much blamed all my symptoms on the fact that I smoke cannabis and even let the word "intervention" slip, to which I just gave her a "Seriously?" type of look and she backed off of that idea.
Let me be clear about this, I've had social anxiety since I was a child, all through elementary, jr high and high school. I didn't even start smoking cannabis in till I was 27, so cannabis may not be helping with my social problems but it is NOT the cause. But this lady, all she wanted to focus on was that. b****.
Needles to say I haven't tried to get any more help for my social anxiety since. It's just too stressful and I have long come to the conclusion that instead of forcing myself into these stressful situations (trying to be 'normal' and socialize like 'normal' person) isn't making me happy. It's just stressful and unpleasant. I've pretty much decided to try to find enjoyment in living a life where I socialize as little as possible with other people, even online because I'm afraid I'll say or do something stupid like I have so many times in the past.
Before anyone says "Just try and it'll get better with time and practice" NO, it won't. My anxiety NEVER fades, the best I can hope for is getting used to individual people and being able to talk with them, but if I meet someone new? Back to square one of me being a shy, muttering mess. Even people I've known for a long time and havn't seen for a while I have trouble talking with. So no, it won't get better with time, it won't get better with practice.
I also have a bit of an issue with a family history of schizophrenia. I've never been officially diagnosed and that has a lot to do with my family being convinced that there was "nothing wrong" with me, that the doctors were making a big deal out of nothing. Now, I don't think I have full blown schizophrenia as I don't hear or see things the way my grandmother used to, but if I've been over socialized and over stimulated I will start to hear things that aren't clear but are without a doubt not real. No, I think I feel along the lines of Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Again I've never been given an official "Yeah this is her problem" but when I was in jr high I had to go through a long string of psychological test (Ink blots and all) and the guy seemed pretty confident that I had Schizotypal Personality Disorder and a couple of other things that I don't remember. Honestly? The description lines up with many of my symptoms and it wouldn't surprise me.
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