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Sometimes I wonder how nice it could be if I were to die young with no more mistakes tainting the future that could be...could have been.
I can’t help but wonder if that would be better than hurting those I love and watching them leave...they have left. Everything I do becomes things I can’t take back and it follows me around like the stain of drugs in the hair follicles of a cokeheads head.
I profess too much so I hide the coughs as I choke on my own words. I get better and worse at the same damn time and never know if I should speed up or slow down or stop...I should have stopped.
I lay my head down and feel the itch of built up anxiety and disappointment on my scalp and though I am tired cannot sleep because I don’t deserve it.
So I lay awake unsatisfied and guilty hoping that maybe my eyes will close for good...they have closed.
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Mistakes are what you make of them. You have to let go and accept that certain things happened sometimes. Other times there's bad shit that happens that was totally out if your control at a certain point and you have to accept and let go of that too. Dont let people peg shit on you that you never did and never said. If somebody leaves for good, depending on what exactly happened, they were probably never really that good of friend to begin with. Pick yourself up.
ReplyLife has ups and downs. Just because of one failure or one person leaving doesnt mean everyone will do so. You have to move on and stop dwelling on those that do not see the good in you. Find a friend, I suggest that you go through find-a-friend programs or join a volunteer group. When you start helping people is when you'll realize your life is not half as bad.
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