To my other side

Dear Me,

It's been a long time. I hope you're doing ok in there. I haven't been able to hear you for a long time now, but I can still feel you. I don't know when we switched places. I just know why....

Growing up in this world has proven to be almost even more than I can handle. I know your blunt and literal personality would have gotten us in some trouble. For over 18 years now I have been trying to find a good time to let you come back. A time I could fade out into the black and let you be free. I have to tell you though......it isn't looking good. I know everything I have seen, heard, felt and done out here directly effects you in there. I want to say I am so incredibly sorry. I know if we could stand face to face you wouldn't hesitate to end me....I understand and wish you could. I wanted nothing more than to put us in a situation to where you could emerge happy, healthy and loving life. I have thus far failed. I know to that you understand it isn't all my fault and not everything has been bad. I am sorry though. I am sorry about our body. I am sorry bout these nasty thoughts and fetishes. I am sorry about all the opportunities we had and i passed those girls up. I know though that if it were you that you wouldn't have done it either. I know now for me out here waiting for the girl we married to have sex was a mistake. For me, not for you. I didn't realize the effect it would have on me. I'm not as strong as you and should have known to let you come back before I made these kind of decisions. I still pray every night though I haven't taken us to church in a while. I wanted you to come back with a beautiful little girl to love and care for but I can't bring myself to make that decision without you. I have all but given up. I feel that soon I'll have to kill myself entirely to let you come back. To let you be whole on your own. I feel bad for leaving our body in this condition but it isn't anything you can't handle. The only thing I fear is that you won't understand this world. It is a sick and terrible place. It seems like it all changed so suddenly without warning and i slipped and fell in. The alcohol and tobacco are a problem. The lust is a completely different battle in itself. I have remained faithful for you though. I have never cheated. The language is a problem as well but I have never take the Lord's name in vain. Something I know you wanted. I am terrified though that you won't accept this world. I can feel you have absorbed all the hate and anger from the experiences or lack thereof. I have faith that your goodness will shine through on that day. No one knows where we came from still or about our people. I tried to tell a few about us but you were right in the beginning. They didn't believe a word. They don't know the dangers they face. I still keep in contacts with our kind. our family. I have become far more "human" then i thought. I let them get in my head. I write this to you self so when you come back you'll know just what happened. There is now legal abortion. Gay marriage is legal. There are many transgender people in the world. They are now considered brave and heroic. Radical muslims want us all to die....idk why. Marijuana is legal in some states. The government is trying to take away the right to bear arms. Chester Bennington killed himself. He couldn't live in this world anymore. That's just a few of the things you'll need to know. I wish there was more good news but I know you and I know your heart. You'll do just fine. Just remember. You will be much stronger and faster than others. Try to keep your cool and pray for peace within. When i'm gone thats it buddy, you'll be on your own. I just wanted to let say thank you for letting me live the time I have. There has been a lot of good in the past so don't feel bad for how things are ending. I will miss this place and all the good things but it's yours. I was just a means to and end and my end has come. I love your more than you'll ever know. God be with you and I know you'll do just fine.

Goodbye,

Sincerely, Yourself