Depression

Depression, most of my family has it. I have it the worst. It sucks. I cut. It feels better. I do it more. I’m happier. Yeah it hurts.... but I like it. It’s the only thing that makes me feel better. Friends get mad when they find out about it. But they don’t understand. Also them getting mad gives me more motivation. I mostly do it on my left inner thigh. To me it hurts the worst there. I’ve done it on my wrists. Deeper and deeper every time. The razor blade gets bloodier and bloodier. I do it multiply times in a row. When I’m in the shower is when I do it most. I’ll sit there and cut and cut until my thigh It converted in blood. I can’t stop. When I do it I always think “every single cut is one more cut closer to death”. But living with depression hurts worse than the cuts. It feels like you’re trapped. Like you’re being beat. Constantly. Like you’ve lost the war before its even begun. I go to therapy for it every week. It doesn’t help. I think “everyday is one more day closer to death” and it comforts me. I think I’m losing the war.