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Hey, so here's my current situation and it really sucks. I started my freshman year of college this past September. During welcome week, I was put into an orientation group with around 15 people. I instantly hit it off with this one guy. We quickly figured out that we had the same taste in movies, games, music. It was crazy. Ohh and to top everything off, this guy is beyond gorgeous. We ended up exchanging snaps and started hanging out all the time. We would just talk for hours about anything and everything. After about a week, I found out he has a girlfriend. She attends a different college and they have been dating for over a year. Now I am the type of girl that does not interfer with other peoples relationships. We are strictly just friends and he even asks for advice about his relationship. I quickly realized that they fight... a lot. Which makes me sad. I hate seeing him get so upset. I just want to tell him that relationships shouldn't be like that, but I can't. I just sit and listen to everything he has to say. It scares me sometimes how close we've gotten over the past few months. I know that if I was his girlfriend, I wouldn't want him hanging out with a girl 24/7, but I just can't help myself. I am never the first one that initiates the conversation or asks to hangout. Like is it actually possible that he sees me as more than a friend? Nah..he loves his girlfriend. Should I stop hanging out with him? Or stop giving him relationship advice? I'm afraid that if they do end up breaking up that its because of me. Do I really want to be that girl?
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You want to be the girl that is a positive influence on his life, regardless of anything romantic you may or may not have between you. Be there for him. Make him laugh. Compliment him, and make sure he knows that you view him as a good person. This includes telling him that you think his relationship may be unhealthy. State it as an opinion, not a fact. Inquire a little; tell him you're worried. Maybe he'll realize that his relationship IS hurting him and his girlfriend, and maybe they'll break up. Maybe he'll realize what they're doing wrong, and he'll jump in to fix it. But either way, he'll grow to like you more and more. So make sure at before you think about your romantic relationship, think about what you have. And above all, think about yourself. You deserve happiness. Just don't bring yourself happiness at the cost of others'. Relationships that start like that never last, but the girl who is supportive and waits typically ends up in the best long-lasting, meaningful relationships.
Disclaimer: I've never been in a relationship before. I've never been on this site before. I too, have been in love with my best friend for a very long time. I may be the most unqualified person in the world to offer advice. But oh well.
ReplyIn my opinion i don't feel like you are doing anything wrong. Don't blame yourself for there own personal issues... I'm pretty sure there fights and issues started way before you came in to the picture...There is nothing wrong with being friends and having a connection with someone as long as you respect his relationship with his current girlfriend. If you feel like the relationship between them is toxic as a friend you can be there for him and give him advice if he needs it... that doesn't make you a bad person... don't feel bad for feeling the way you do for him.. we can't help who we fall for.. if it's meant to be in time it will happen.. the universe pulls people together for a reason.... In the time being just be here for him and help him through this. I promise you if they are fighting constantly than most likely the relationship won't last much longer... stay positive <3
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