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I have been struggling with my faith a long time I have been going to this new Church for a year and a half and I finally made friends and was part of a community but I didn't 100% believe because there's no way of knowing if the stories in the Bible are true.I believe there is a diving being out there something special that we don't know but we can't label it into a religion
I feel someone is watching over me teaching me subtle lessons in my life making things happen at the right time and linking them all to help me grow and live my life...I feel like I have an angel over me...But I still feel like the failure too scared to carry on with my University degree,looks so abnormally repulsive that she won't fall in love and in all honesty can't see herself living,no future nada...
It hurts because in all of this pain I want to be close to God but nothing seems to be working I stopped going Church because I couldn't fake it no more,I stopped seeing my Church friends there and I'm closing my pastor out I'm so depressed I have that vibe and it's so humiliating! Although I'm not there yet faith-wise he has been the one that has given me some kind of reason for waking up every morning because I know suicide won't mean I get to be with him though being with God in heaven gives me this peace this calmness I don't get here on Earth the place which has let me down...
I've read the Bible,attended Church,prayed and there's been no change for the year and a half I went Church on my gap year and returned to University to find my fear of exams still ripe and led me to drop out and my faith has gotten a big stronger but not much difference I feel like I'm frozen and watching everyone else prosper in their life,their beautiful successful religious selves I'm nowhere again....I've shut my faith out and ignore it,I know I'm wrong but that's me all over again never faces her problems.My brother is enlightened his faith is accelerating it seems meanwhile I'm just there still empty,not doing anything carrying on if you can even call it a life...
I finished watching a Christian film and it did inspire me,it was heart-warming because the characters found Christ but it wouldn't work on me I've tried too many times...
Everything is wrong I have so many problems I can't even be bothered to make an effort with my appearance just cover myself up and stay indoors that's the way for comfort...screw beauty I've never really had it I accepted that and it felt cool I could be myself no make-up no straightened hair just me just me being me but what is me is also broken from all that has happened,broken from the friends who left her my friendships are gone,not close or deteriorating.She got married today and we're not speaking seriously is this what it has come to whatever I'm done with her I have to tell her...Christmas,my birthday,New Years I don't care no more....I don't care about it all I just want God I want faith I don't want this world to consume me I wish I could float in the sky and be free....
I don't know what to do I want God so bad....What do I do to find God and to have him in my life and feel his presence....
???
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Hi there, I'd love to talk to you about this.
What is your prayer life like?
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