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*NOTE* You can't help me, I ruined the insides of myself, I have to much to say, eventually I will write a book, this will not be word for word in the book but all is very true if you journey with me through my universe of pain, sorrow, agony, poverty, depression, PTSD(not taken care of), stress, regrets, personality disorder, etc, you will learn something.
I'm a extremely wise and balanced guy, but my coping strategies are far from healthy. I got this big burden of a memory stuck in my head of my past and it's too much to live with.
I've gotten my deceased gram hating me months before she passed away.
I've made no progress towards a good lifestyle until this day, which still ainall other attempts at living a substantial life was a failure. At 12 I almost cut my throat on my old bed at my father's apartment he calls home. I'd have people in my circle that were two-faced.
I've been heavily bullied, even by people I don't ever see. I kinda wish I had just pushed that slick blade into my throat and let my worries soar into darkness. Up to this day I secretly think of suicide, but I am to curious of where this world will go in my lifetime. Even though I hate this fucking world, I have a heart that says otherwise.
I've been jumped by family with weapons, and I've been choked out over a fucking game of Monopoly. I've never showed any official emotions. I literally have a brain that won't stop thinking endlessly. It gets very painful and there's only one way to stop it, but I'm not ready.
If I could go back in time to kill my younger self, I probably fucking would after I fucked myself of all pain and regrets.
I write my emotions to help myself, but I'm a pretty odd guy and if I were to say everything on my mind, I would definitely be put in prison or killed. I hope to leave SOME KIND OF MEMORY behind.
[End of CH:1]
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