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There are times his voice still rushes into my head like a dam breaking. I physically feel myself wince as his venomous words scorch across my skin. He was always the best at carving his hatred deep into me. Even after he is gone he still haunts me with his words. I know I was not worthy of his anger and aggressiveness. However, it hurt to hear him speak of me as little more than the dirt on the ground. I had always wanted to be the best I could be for him. Even after he had walked away so many times, I wanted to be something he could be proud of. I was tired of being the regret and disappointment he always saw me as. In ways, I am thankful he left because he was a poison to my happiness. In other ways, I hate him for leaving me again. I am his daughter after all. If he was going to leave why not take the ghost of him with him?
For evey cruel thing he ever said my own voice was ten times worse. If only he knew that for every inch of him that hated me there was so much more of me hating myself. With him gone I hope I can find the strength to realize I am worthy. I am worthy of love and happiness. I think the first step is knowing I am not the woman he says I am.
I am only 19 and I will know an age where he does not haunt me.
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