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I have kept this in for so long.. I don't know if I am just being overly emotional..
With my boyfriend of 5 years, I found out I was pregnant, 8 weeks.. A few weeks go by, the heart beat, and I fell in love, now at 12 weeks.. I was bleeding, a lot? it was July 4th, I woke up, and I had blood all over my pajamas and sheets, I am a nurse, so I immediately starting crying, I knew, but at the moment, it couldn't happen not to me, I am young and healthy.
After the long hospital visit, they came in and with no empathy in her voice, she said "sorry.. you had a miscarriage, you're young so trying again wont be hard" These words crushed me.. still to this day. Its been 6 months, why do I still cry when I think about the words she told me..
I felt a lot of emotions, I wasn't really ready to have a child, but when I heard the heartbeat something changed, I was a mother.. I didn't want anything else at that moment than to protect and cherish every moment. After it happened, I laid in bed for a few days, and my boyfriend kept telling me I was over reacting.. was I?
Over the 6 months, I have gotten sad at random times, maybe walking past the baby clothes or seeing someone so happy with their infant. But, something switched in me.. I found out my boyfriends little sister was pregnant, and he was so happy to be an uncle. I cried when I heard how he reacted, because why did he tell me I ruined his life when I told him I was pregnant? I tried to talk about it with him, all he said being an uncle and dad are different.
Am I jealous? I questioned "God has a plan" & "everything happens for a reason" for days now.. I keep thinking, why me? why? I am a nurse and in school to further my education again, I am healthy, provide for myself. & shes 18, no job, car, or permanent housing. So I keep asking god, why? Why do I have to be so hurt, when people who are not ready get blessed? What did I do that's so wrong, that I have to hurt. I feel bad I am questioning him, I just have to know.
Am I over reacting, I know I should be happy for their gift of life.
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You deserve so much better fyoure such a strong person the guy you’re with is such an ass for saying something like that, you will be the best mother ever girl keep getting that education! God as a plan and he will bless you once again keep your head up I love u
ReplyGod does things you might never find out why. But when God gives you challenges like this, he does this to number one, to test your trust and faith to him, and two it might be because of your ancestors sins. Usually a curse a passed among certain generations because of your family. Or it might also be because of the father, and HIS ancestors sins. I don’t want to speak for God but maybe he didn’t want that child to be born in a world where the father wasn’t greatful for such a blessing. And also if you don’t mind me asking what race are you?
ReplyAnd no you are not over reacting, you were the mother of that child, only you will ever be able to feel the connection with the baby before it’s born, if a man let alone the babies father ever says some bs like that, they are not the one for you. I hope once you get older you will find the one and only man who respects and loves you. You will marry him and have your own healthy child with him. I’m not saying you should forget about your still born but I hope it doesn’t weigh you down as much as it is now. All praises the most high God.
ReplyFirstly, you are not over reacting. I believe the time will come when you are ready and I mean really really ready to have a child. For both you and your partner. You are also a storng woman and I believe you will be a good mother for your future children to come.
ReplyFirst of all, above all, your boyfriend is an actual shit-bag. Just because you have an accidental pregnancy does not mean it will RUIN your or his life.
I found out I was pregnant a week before I was supposed to go to basic training for the Army. I had no possible way to contact my boyfriend because he went back to his AIT training, he's infantry in the Army. We had concieved during his 'winter break'. I was 19, no job, and I was still living with my parents. I wasn't in school at the time because I was supposed to go and be gone for 11 weeks or so. The very second I found out I immediately found a job through a friend and started saving because I too changed the second the 2 pink sticks appeared to have 2 pink lines.
IT'S OKAY TO MOURN YOUR BABY
When my baby passed away my parents got me a small cherry blossom tree, and it is planted in my backyard right now. I go out there and talk to my baby, and yes I still cry about it. I still cry about it often. And you know what? THAT IS NORMAL.
You envisioned a beautiful, precious, and above all healthy bouncing baby. We all did. Men do not understand what kind of physical, mental and spiritual trauma this puts through women like you and me. Although, my boyfriend was astronomically crushed whenever Red Cross finally let me contact him to inform him and did not act like a blithering idiot like that so-called "man" you're intimate with.
I'm paying for you, and I want you to know you're not alone. It's okay to mourn and take your time to find your peace.
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