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I have to interject at this point because you are ruining your freshly pressed dress with all those tears. Your make up is staining you coutoure.
I heard you when you said "don't do that. Why have you posted a picture of you and her." I watched you stare at the picture. Imagine yourself in her seat next to him instead of her and before you could delight at that thought you felt a grip on your heart. The bitter taste of pain as you realised he has taken you for a fool.
It tortures you that he asked you to take a front row seat in his life - watching a constant symbol of him abandoning his love for you. Does he even know he is torturing you because unlike him you can't just switch off your feelings for him? I know seeing him with her rips you to shreds. It takes you back to the first time he told you he'd given up on you. When you see him with her, you can hear the sound of your heart breaking all over again and I know it saddens you. Brings rain clouds to your sunny days. Makes you feel unwanted, unworthy, unloveable...
But darling, why did you agree to stay in his life on the sidelines. Why do you still try to be his friend? Don't you see that when he spoke he said empty words that would shield his own cowardice - he was not brave enough to be frank with you. Too much of a coward to cut you off and just out right say its over.
It was a clean break up he was trying to go for and he probably thinks he succeeded with it. But I know for you there was nothing clean about it. Glass smile on the outside yet inside a tornado of chaos had visited the center of your love life. It's a messy affair to watch someone you love do love dances with another. I know.
So I am writing this open letter to say don't let him or anyone walk all over you. Rise up. If he wants to leave then let him leave. Don't queue vain hopes of him seeing you as the woman he loves. If he thought you weren't worth the wait, thought you too weak to handle the truth, made you feel like he had locked you in an attic and turned off the lights - only to visit when he wanted something then sweet girl he is not worth you or your prescence or your time or your concern or your heart. It is time to allow time to erase him from your memory and me writing this to you is step 1.
If it hurts you to see them together, sever the ties. Cut out the toxic. Move forward now. Don't look back. Run as fast as you can and don't return to the spoils of love. Don't close him in. Release it all. Don't hold a single thing back that could poison your heart or limit your soul.
I'm tired of you letting this get to you. Let it go. Open room for a better future, a better relationship...
You are unforgettable.
You are worth a thousand deaths.
You are loved and love itself lives in you.
So dear self, be the rainbow in the storm. Be the lightning be the thunder. Be the fierce sun. Beautiful things grow from heavy rains. Your time to blossom has arrived.
P.s. you don't have to feel guilty for refusing to be tortured. Just Trust God. He made you what you are. Above all else love God and put your hopes in Him. His love never fails.
Yours faithfully
Self
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Beautiful writing and perspective. Appreciate you sharing. I can tell you are a strong willed, worthy, loving person.
Sending loads of love and good vibes your way. All glory to God
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