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I'm feeling very worn out. I have generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I'm on my 6th new medication along with lots of others to "help with the transitions). I feel like my husband should leave me because I am a burden on him and my little family. I fear my children will hate me/ think I am sick all the time because I take a lot of breaks because I can't handle the stress. I only work a very little bit because it's all I can handle. I shake, sweat, get lost(in my head), get agitated easily. Sometimes the feelings are so overwhelming or intense I search for ways to hurt myself- cutting, burning, banging my head. I also get tremendously profoundly depressed. I adore my children, so I would never leave. I am afraid they will grow up seeing me in this state and hate me or end up being like me. I feel a little hopeful every time I start a new med but it seems to always turn out poorly. I am afraid to stay at the hospital again because we can't afford it and I don't want my family to have to struggle through that again. My mother says I could be better if I just tried harder to think and do nice things. My husband gets annoyed when I seem paralyzed from the anxiety and depression and I can't seem to do very much. I feel so incredibly and deeply defeated. I only go on because of my kids and because I am scared to die. I don't know what else to write. I am just so emotionally drained and literally exhausted.
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Just because you believe you are a burden to your husband/family doesn't mean that you should give up on all hope, or just in general. Some guy out there in the world wanted to start a family with you even though he knew the troubles you have sometimes. I would never be able to understand the feelings that you are going through seeing as how I don't anxiety or depression, but I can tell you that one day, it will get better. Maybe it'll be your 1000th medication, but I say, never lose hope. There are people that love you, and care about you. Please, stay strong, and keep on keeping on.
ReplyThank you for replying. You don't know how much this means to me!
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