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Since I was little, my mom always told me to get out of the house if I'm angry/mad. I'm a girl, but my mom told me to stop crying whenever I feel overwhelmed and scared. There's one time that I got lectured by a teacher "I'm gonna put you in the blacklist for being arrogant", plud, I was stressed of school that time so I cried. My mom told me that I was being to dramatic and told me to stop crying. I'm not close to me father, he doesn't care about me. My siblings tends to insult me, laugh at me whenever I express myself. I didn't knew what is wrong with me so I pour out my feelings to the closest friend I've ever had in my life and she told me that I am selfish. Now, I'm scared to love again.
If it weren't for my parents waking me up, I could sleep 12+ hours a day. Going upstairs feels like climbing a mountain. All the desire, dreams, wish I had were just memories. Every emotion I feel, feels like they're being sucked out again. I don't want to be happy, because every. Freakin. Single. Time I am happy, something always, I repeat, ALWAYS something to crush the feeling. The most common cause is my mother, she would suddenly throw a tantrum out of nowhere at me and sometimes my siblings too. I rarely eat since months ago. Are these symptoms of depression?
And one thing
My siblings accused me for being emotionless and heartless because I don't react to things.
Sigh
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