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I've never posted here before and i'm kind of nervous, but it's anonymous so why not.
I’m pretty sure everyone has had some sort of loneliness in their lives. Yeah, you know the feeling… the feeling of lying awake at night and wishing someone was right there by your side to hold you and give you a kiss on the cheek. The feeling of pure sadness as you think “no one will ever like me.” Or questioning why you keep getting over looked. “Am I not good enough?” “Why won’t they like me?” ”am I that uninteresting?” and at some point you begin to think that maybe, just maybe, you’re just that unnoticeable. At this point almost anyone would do, you just want someone to share the sad days and the happy days with you. You crave the love and you crave to give it. You want to show your worth. However, it doesn’t come. The isolation starts to dig deep into your soul. I’m tired of being by myself. Sure I have family, but it’s not the same. I want a friend to connect with, I want a partner to love, I want that excitement and to feel as if every day is a new adventure. I no longer want to cry at night by the suffocating loneliness. My days start to become dull and bleak as the thoughts of negativity seep into my brain further confirming my lack of self-worth. Due to the isolation for years I lack the proper techniques to carry a conversation without feeling completely terrified of what to say next or what to do. I don’t know what is acceptable and what isn’t, I fear that one wrong move will ruin that possible relationship with that person. I’m scared to text first because I don’t know if they want to talk to me. “Am I bothering them?” “Oh god they’re going to think I’m annoying”. Even if I summon the courage to jump into a conversation in a chat room I’m ignored. This begs the question, what can I do to make people like me? I’m not sure if anyone has an answer, and don’t give me that “you have to love yourself” I’ve already heard it 1000 times over and it isn’t as simple as some people make it out to be, it’s like saying “oh you’re homeless? Buy a house!” it just doesn’t work that way. I try working on myself to feel better and it’s difficult. The only option I have is to keep trying, surely I won’t be alone forever…right? So, I’ll hang on to that tiny shred of hope and try to get through the day.
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I relate to this on a whole nother level
ReplyIt can be difficult to feel that lack of connection and it's not easy to learn to enter a conversation or become more at ease talking to people. I have the same struggles. I'm glad you're working on this. I'm working on it too and it's not easy, but it's getting better a tiny bit at a time. Good luck to you!
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