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2 years ago · · Stressed out,
So....here I thought that the love of my life really missed me and my presence for the last 2 months. Turns out... He only missed my body.
Now how did I come to a conclusion like this within 2 days of meeting him?
It's because he comes...sleeps and has nothing to talk about in general. I speak 100 words and he speaks 2. He becomes sleepy when asked to talk, but is suddenly forgets all sleep n gets excited when love is initiated.
I sit and tell him at length about my personal issues and the stuff I have dealt with in the last 2 months. How I had to reach out to a psychiatrist and vent out my feelings and seek help because I had nowhere else to go and seek help.
I tell him I even wrote a post about him anonymously and send him the link to read. And then his actions baffle me !!!
If someone you love tells you that they have undergone mental trauma in last few months wherein you were not available to help, and sends you something to read about their feelings, the first instinct should be to read and see how they feel and what has been written.
This one however, opens the link, looks at the length of it, and closes it saying it is too lengthy to read now and starts playing clash of clans on the phone.
I , sitting there with rose tinted glasses for him , had those glasses crashed and broken down into pieces.
I realise he came only to sleep and leaves as soon as possible afterwards. He says he loves me but his actions prove otherwise.
He has all the time to text when no one is there, but no courage to text once someone else is around. Even no inclination to listen to my voice over a call. Has courage to tell me he loves me and wishes to settle down with me but no courage to ask for my hand to my parents or even make he relationship public. Everything is to remain a secret according to him.
Now the reason why I am writing all this is, that maybe I knew all of this at the back of my mind all along. But refused to accept it ( rose tinted glasses remembe?) Now when I sit and write all of this down, I am hoping it registers in this dumb brain of mine and I let go of him for good . I am now not going to ever allow him to come to my place, text him on my own or even discuss my life with him. He can do all the drama he wants to, but I am not going to back down this time. I will always find something else to do or talk to some friend and distract myself but never reach out to him even if I am overcome by emotions .
I will choose to live life without a manipulator even at the cost of a boring loveless life. All the best to me!!