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I wanna kill myself, never thought I would write it anywhere though. I don’t have many friends, maybe one or two. They live in different cities so I can’t really see them that much. I am afraid to be open and honest with anyone, I am always lonely. I hate the way I look but I worry if I change my looks my anxiety will still be there, my zero self esteem will still be there, I am not perfect. I have made bad choices that I regret and I cannot take back. But I still think there is nothing for me here, every day is the same but I can’t force myself to change it, I wan’t help but I am the only one who can help myself. I always dream what it would be like to be someone else, someone better, someone who doesn’t have worries or doubts or issues, someone who can help their family, help someone else... I feel safe in my dreams, away from reality, away from everyone. I could do it now, take some pills. But I worry about when they find me, so maybe I will not do it. I guess I’ll see. My life is in my own hands, and I can choose to end it.
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No, you can also choose to make it better. Your life is in your own hands, you can choose to change it. Change your routine, your schedule, your diet, your fashion, I know you are deep depressed, and things don't matter. But a new research study showed that just faking a smile and pretending happy and confident actually does boosts everything. You are better than me, you have a friend or two, alive. I don't, I feel alone, but remember, even if you are on your own, you are not alone. You need to visit a counselor, that's what they are for. They will help you change your thoughts, overcome everything....I am not a professional, but live as if you have a choice.
ReplyI am so so sorry. I can't even imagine the weight of all that's going on in your mind and heart. I used to be suicidal too. It's crushing. I know there's no perfect words I could say to change how you feel, but I just want to tell you. Truly, truly I love you. I love you so so much. I don't care what you've done or what's been done to you. I love you and all of your brokenness. When I was in your position I heard a story. I heard that the God of the Bible who created humanity and specifically designed you, wants to know you personally. But we screwed up. We decided to do things our way and because of that we're separated from God, who is the source of all hope. But because God loves us so much, despite our brokenness and mistakes, He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to take our place. Jesus died the death we deserve because of our rebellion against God. And when He died, we got His perfect record. His perfect life that He lived which allowed Him to be in relationship with God, we are offered it. And all we have to do is believe. Confess that we are a sinner and believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins, and through that there is forgiveness and relationship with God.
This is how I healed from my depression. I prayed to God and told Him I am sinner in need of His grace. I wept and asked Him to forgive me because of Christ on the cross, and I told Him I will follow Him. I dearly hope this helps. Love you
ReplyI want you to know that there is always that lingering thought. It has crossed my mind more than once. But I stop and think about what I would do to my family if I ever did that. My sister who was recently diagnosed with autism would probably be the one to find me. My mother would be broken. I have a job and things I want to do with life. If you want to you can text me or add me on snapchat and we can talk.
ReplyWhy wouldnt you try to seek help,just so you know if you were right and it didnt help? Why not? You are not afraid of losing anymore arent you?Why not? Try and see
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