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It hurts to not be enough. Getting mad at me but never them. I try so hard to be perfect but I’m starting to think, why even try? No matter what I do you act like I’m annoying. I know you love me, but it sometimes doesn’t feel like you do. When I’m old enough to move out I don’t know if I’ll want to see you again, because even though you love me, you bring me down. They stole so much of your money, take advantage of you every day and you never stay mad at them for more than an hour. I forget to clean my room, I say “I don’t care” and you stay mad at me for more than a week. You ignore me, won’t talk to me, tell me I don’t love you. I apologize to you right after I do something wrong, I work hard to earn your forgiveness but I never do. I keep telling myself to wait until I’m 18, just wait, but what if I can’t? What if it just keeps getting worse? I know my life isn’t terrible, I know people have it worse, I know my life is the average life of a teenage girl, so am I just weak? After my father died, I tried to be the strong one. I tried to listen to your feelings, I tried to take care of you even though you were my mom. The minute I tried to share my feelings with you, I got “that’s what the psychologist is for” as as a reply. I was diagnosed with a thought disorder and when I’m in my room sobbing because I can’t handle myself I get “suck it up”. When you walked in on me biting my hand so hard it bled because I didn’t want to cry, you laughed it off. As I’m writing this, I’m trying not to cry. I’m holding back tears because I don’t want to cry. I can’t cry because I’m continuing to be strong for you. I just don’t know why I’m not enough for you to be proud of me.
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