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I need advice. I'm married and have unexpectedly fallen for a close mutual friend. I love my spouse and they don't deserve my divided attention.
This was never supposed to happen.
I have many reasons to believe the romantic feelings are mutual. It has never been talked about or acted on (and it never will). I'm on a path of letting go, seeking forgiveness and moving on. There has never been any physical cheating in my marriage ever, but I'm well aware emotional cheating is just as bad, if not worse. I feel terrible.
I know the best thing I can do is stop all (extended) interaction with this person. (again, this is a mutal family friend) This will be noticeable to said person. We've gotten to a place of honesty in our friendship (outside of this unspoken gray area) where we always communicate if anything is up. They will know right away if things get "weird" and que assumptions and bam.. feelings are hurt. Everything is awkward. Everyone is uncomfortable.
MY QUESTION IS: Should I come clean to said person and explain why I can no longer talk to them? I know this is something they would appreciate. (as would i) Thus would also make it easy to navigate through after. I just don't want to regret it later. (things getting uncomfortable) Note: I interact with this person frequently due to family.
(I am well aware there is an entire conversation I need to have with my spouse.)
No hate or judgment in the comments please.
I know I'm in the wrong.
Just trying to make it right.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
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Yes.
As you said: The best thing I can do is stop all interaction with this person.
ReplyI think you are being too hard upon yourself. It's okay to have feelings, even desires. I would suggest talking with your mutual friend, letting them know how you honestly feel. The world needs more live, and the last thing necessayis to artificially cut off completely two obviously two great friends. Set workable boundaries. I commend you for your candor and openness. Friendships can still continue, just know when you are playing with fire. Keep things in the realm of reasonableness, rationality, and reality. Don't get caught up in your fantasy world. Stick close to earth and yo those you have promised and committed. Be true to your word and yourself. Avoiding or playing a cat and mouse game of staying away will merely add to your feelings of confusion. Just be honest. It's okay and acceptable to like or even love a neighbor, friend, coworker, classmate, or even your local letter carrier or meter reader. The responsibility is to live a noble and sincere life. Don't ever shun yourself for feeling things. Just stay within the road lanes you are supposed to drive to avoid any accidents or regrets.
Reply...needs more love*
ReplyNo. He should keep his distance from this person until the feelings subside. No need to tell anyone. By keeping your distance it is enough of a message.
You are doing the right thing.
ReplyBeing honest is always good, holding onto a lie is worse
ReplyYou are admitting to feel like you’ve fallen for the person already. That said, we both know there is whole a lot between you and the friend that you are both aware yet it is unsaid.
Don’t think I’m being negative but what good can come out of a dangerous friendship. Yes, it is dangerous. Things have gotten out of your hands, the fact that a factual act has not happened does not remove the reality that feelings have been aroused already. Like the old saying: “where there was fire, ashes remains.”
Your friendship with said person is beyond the turning point. You can tell yourself anything but I’m sure as your read this you know this is accurate with what you foresee or the least, feel.
Your need or thought of cutting things out is a health impulse for the preservation of your relationship. If you truly treasure it, you already know what you must do. It is normal for you to feel sadness in the parting of this friendship, after all, ugly realities aside, you are grieving the loss of someone you love (have you fallen for them). Yet, this is the same fact that points why it is necessary, it got out of hand.
The issue with these friendships, they are like a snowball coming down from the mountain. It just accelerates and becomes more difficult to stop the more you allow it to go on.
I hope your marriage is strengthening.
- Nobody Poet
ReplyThank you all so much! I truly appreciate all of your responses!
Reply