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I’ve been made to convince myself
That I am the bad guy
I am
I’m not
I go back and forth in my head on what I am
I’m not sure what I am or where I fall in this scenario
I just know I am at fault
I don’t know if that is partially
Or even fully
Maybe not at all
But somehow, I am
I know I am
I was forgiven
I can’t wrap my head around it
I don’t understand how I can be forgiven
For something we both did
For something I was brought to believe was me
It was
It wasn’t
I have been lost
For months
I have been so lost that I was used to my head spinning
I think my head is spinning harder
Over this complicated something
That should have been a nothing
I can’t make sense of it
The words repeat in my head
Forgiveness
It will take time
I will wait
It will be like it used to be
I don’t know if I want that
I thought I wanted nothing from the situation anymore
I thought it was left in the past
I thought it was a thing for me to deal with
I guess I was wrong
Everything I convinced myself
Everything I finally came to terms with
And I was right
All along
I was who I thought I was
Or at least half
I wasn’t who I believe I am now
I convinced myself
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