What are you looking for?
2 months ago · · Need Advice,
All I do is daydream about having a best friend. Someone who would be with me no matter what, and me the same.
To be clear, I have friends. A friend group of maybe, 10 people? I really want to find a different crowd. I know I’m lucky to even have friends but I just don’t think they really care about me, or like me in general. I thought everything was fine, until two of my friends made offhanded remarks about not wanting to sit with the “boring one.” That’s when I started to realise everyone really did treat me differently to most others. In a particular subject, not all 10 could fit on one table, we had to split up into groups. People would be perfectly happy sitting at a certain table until I walked over to sit there, then they would all try and cram onto the table away from me. People would come and sit with me for sympathy. They clearly like others in the group more than me, which is fine, everyone has their preferences. It’s just, NOBODY really thinks of me as their favourite. I know that sounds bratty, but for all my life all I wanted was someone who invited to hang because they wanted to, rather than because I was part of a cohort of people they like more. I just want someone to hang out with after school, someone to joke around with, someone I don’t have to prove my worth to. The thing is, my friends tell me they care every time I stupidly blurt out my insecurities about my place in the friend group, but they don’t SHOW it in their behaviour. I have to take initiative to hang with someone, and often they turn me away. I want to find new friends that I really, really love and care about, and them the same, but I don’t want to leave my old group. I care about them... some of them.. I just need more. And I don’t want to be alone, or stuck without a friend group at all. Also, I feel my insecurities about everything will mean that nothing anyone says will change anything. (My friends really don’t care about me though, I’d believe them if they acted like they cared.)
Does anyone have advice on what to do next? I really need some advice. Thanks for listening to me rant.