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Hi. I'm a 17 year old college student (female) and I've been struggling through some things recently. My childhood was quite dark; my mother abused me and illegal substances and my dad has had clinical depression as long as I've known him. So it's been quite rough.
I've been having thoughts of self-harm recently. And sometimes I find myself daydreaming about suicide, though I'm not sure if that's normal for college students under so much pressure. I think I'm an alcoholic and I've made lots of stupid mistakes because of it, like hooking up with people I hardly know, or worse, know too well. I've started dabbling with drugs too.
I feel worthless, like I'm no good for anything. Like I'm a mistake, that I'm destined for failure. I don't who I am down to the very basics and it frightens me, when I'm not drunk enough to combat it. I feel like I can't get along with people normally, like I'm not normal.
Do I have a problem? I genuinely don't know. Thank you.
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Please please please don't follow through on these suicidal thoughts you have. I turn 17 soon. My stepdad is emotionally abusive. Me and you are not the same but I feel where you are coming from. I know I have no idea what youve been through and the challenges you've faces but I can imagine. And I have had some of those thoughts before. Like would it matter if was gone? Would anyone care? Yes to both. Maybe you don't have anyone right now, but don't deny yourself the future you could have. Find something that makes you genuinely happy, a passion of some sort. For me it's working out it helps more than you know. I joined CrossFit and found a community of people who really care. You say you don't know who you are but none of us really does. We just have to keep looking. And while we are searching for who we are we find people and things we love that can help us along the way. So please don't give up. You are not a failure no matter what you or anyone think. I think you should try to stay away from the drugs and alcohol, and look for true things that make you happy. Build relationships if you can. And please please don't stress too much about college. And please please stay on this earth. You might not believe it yet but you can make a difference. Or just enjoy life. Find something to enjoy. It might take some time but please don't ever give up. It's hard I know. I really do know. But we can both get through this. I hope this might help in some way. I wish you the best of luck and send so much love and prayers. <3
ReplyWe do not have similar backgrounds or whatsoever but one thing I can ensure you is that you are not alone. Almost all of the college students suffer from constant pressure and stress and depression. It is difficult to organize your (my) life when you cannot even organize your (my) desk. But you know what... keep going... Don't end your life because it won't just end there, it will hurt not only you but also the people around you. There is no rain that won't stop. It will be over eventually and one day you will look back and be proud that you survived that darkest period of your life.
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