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I trust
I fall
I love
I hurt.
I trusted
I fell
I loved
I've been hurt.
Parents, friends, lovers, myself.
No matter who I trust, in the end, I can't ever trust them.
Everyone has someone.
But I'm not an everyone
I'm a no one, and no one has nobody.
It's toxic
It burns through my clothes
It burns through my skin
And it burns my heart.
My soul.
My being.
Love doesn't exist for people like me.
I no longer deserve love.
I don't deserve anything.
I haven't earned anything, either
but it seems like I earned my place in this eternal hell
where I deserve the pain I receive.
And the lies that deceive me.
I can't break this cycle.
Might as well live it.
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Hey this might seem like a weird thing to suggest but sweetheart you are not special. No one is. How freeing is that?! You are just another being on this earth. If you are in eternal hell then so are we. And if we are in enternal heaven so are you. One day you will meet someone who will make things make sense. But don't wait for them! It kind of makes things anti-climactic. Instead, remember how beautiful and ordinary you are.
ReplyHumans often fall far below expectations, they certainly have disappointed me on more than one occasion. I acknowledge them as I would any creature that walks, flies, scurries, slithers, shuffles, swims, digs, runs, leaps, or rolls: It exists for its own sake and needs no explanation, merely adding variety to this composition we call living.
ReplyFeel the pain till it hurts no more. And you need to start loving yourself. You need to learn how to count yourself wherever no one is there to fight and love you..
ReplyYou want the truth? I can provide that for you. It's all in your head... no you're not crazy lol but the mindset is what's doing this to you. That's what I mean when I say "it's all in your head". Life is like a brain game, again no it's not those literal brain games you can play to "strengthen you brain and make it healthier" (although those DO help as well). We as the human race, are a manipulative population. I think you know that already; something tells me that. Now what to do with a brain that needs washing..
Okay so you know how we are naive in a sense? where we can kind of believe in anything? Here's an example. I'm not so great at love either, because it's never been shown back to me. I also got bullied a lot, so I never felt confident growing up. Do you see the pattern here yet? Those are all EXTERNAL factors, effecting my own brain, my own mindset. THEY never loved me, so I can't love myself. THEY called me ugly, so I called myself ugly too. In psychology, they say that other people can have such an effect on you that when they say things, you just start to believe it. But real talk, everything in life is actually meaningless unless WE as humans PRODUCE meaning to it. That's right, there is no right or wrong, it just is what it is.
Remember one thing tho, how free we are INTERNALLY. Think about your thoughts, just the ones in your head, which no one can hear unless you voiced them aloud.... Let me get personal with u for a quick second. When i was 15, I tried to commit suicide because I was still feeling freshly depressed and therefore ugly from being bullied. I obviously couldn't go through with it (for reasons unimportant in this particular passage) but I grew up and found relief because I ended up living it completely different, and more optimistically. I put my foot down after realizing something: "wait a minute.. who decides that I'M ugly?? who tries to make ME feel worthless all the time? why do they do this? and why not call me nicer things?" I finally realized "I. Don't. Care. What they think. This is MY life to live, not theirs." I noticed how "ugly" people seemed more attractive with confidence, I rewired my own brain, found my own confidence, an then literally realized that i was never even ugly. It turns out I'm actually very attractive, and I was just hiding my true self under all that fear, anxiety, and self consciousness.
I want to say more but i don't want to bore you and lose you in all this reading. So let me just say life is not perfect, and even though I recently came out of a low place yet again, it'll get better because that's just how emotions work; like a rollercoaster. I'm coming back out of a bad situation (second worse this time. i told u the first one from high school, hence the suicide and middle school bullying) and basically this time i got anxiety so bad that I couldn't even trust myself, which is kind of like a base for everything else... so I put this into my phone notes and now I will share them with you! Here you go:
How to trust yourself
1. Be yourself
2. Set reasonable goals
3. Be kind to yourself
4. Build on your strengths
5. Spend time with self
6. Be decisive
You DESERVE to feel confident.
You are enough! 💛💜💛
Hope this helps
Replyyou can find someone new! I know you can do it! be yourself find someone or a friend that you think that you can trust. And that trust will grow bigger then you think :) keep finding someone in this world to help you what you are going through. theirs a lot of people in this world and you will find that person. just keep a eye out there and search one day you'll find what you are looking for!
Reply