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My first heart break was 3 years ago when I meet this guy it was the first time I really truly loved someone , and the year I learned you cant trust what everyone says I was really young not that I'm not young now and I guess you can can I didnt learn my lesson because this happens to me till this day which messed me up so bad that I have a hard time trusting people I cant let myself be happy in relationships because im scared of getting hurt which me being scared leads to me getting hurt . I'm probably going to be alone for the rest of my life which I had a friend tell me that , my best friend is probably the only person I trust besides my family but I dont tell them everything like my bestfriend because I know she wont judge me. But I guess you can say fifth grade is when all my probablys began even though that has nothing to do with 2017 because this was 2015 5th grade was when I moved schools away from everyone I knew to a school with kids who hated me I wasnt on there level they didmt expect me I was bullied and that was the first time I ever had a suicidal thought which later on I guess you could say thata when my anxiety roled in . all through that year and middle school and still till this day even though I have moved schools again I have been know as the strong confident one hiding behind a mask is fairly easy. I put on a show when I'm not alone so everyone thinks that is who I am , but underneath im a clown
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Trust issues, tell me about it. I understand why you have them and I know why they affect meeting people so much. I wish I could tell you it's easy to trust again but it's not. You have to understand that trust, real trust, is built over time. It was easy to believe in your first love because he was your first. You never had the pain of betrayal by someone like that yet, so why distrust him? That being said, you understand why you're so guarded because of him. No one wants to hurt that way anymore.
As for the school thing. Keep the confidence up. Even if it's a facade, itll tell all the agitators and bullies that what they're doing doesnt affect you. I believe a mask is essential. The facade should resemble the real you but only so much because no one deserves to meet the real you, not unless you allow them to. Show the world your capabilities, show them the real you in bite size pieces. True friends will see this little bit and come for more and viola, buddies.
I dunno, clowns are pretty funny. They're just people who wanna make others smile. What's so wrong about that?
Cheers
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