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This one will likely be extensive as I'm going to be explaining almost everything I've learned about depression in my own personal war against it.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor or a licensed professional. This information should NOT be used as any form of a diagnosis. If you feel like you are depressed, I STRONGLY recommend seeking counseling or a therapist. If you feel like you are in danger of harming yourself, please stop reading NOW and call a suicide hotline 1(800)273-8255. If you are in immediate danger, PLEASE call 911 or your areas emergency number and reach out for help. Suicide is never the answer, your life is worth living.
WARNING: this content may be upsetting or disturbing to some readers.
Summarization
- how depression manifests into the human conciousness
- the beginnings of depression and development of negative core beliefs
- the growth stages of depression and fortifying the structure of the prison of the mind
- the angry stages of depression and how it impacts self image
- severe depression, hopelessness, worthlessness and the shrinking of the physical brain
- suicidal depression, emptiness, anxiety driven depression and PTSD driven depression
- the deep end of depression, giving up on everything in life and losing all inner and outer forms of control
- existential depression and the inability to move forward, malformed cognitive loops and excessive overthinking
- final summary
Chapter 1 - How Depression Manifests in the Human Conciousness
Most forms of depression are often the results of a perception of loss or missing out. These feelings of loss often lead to sadness but left unchecked can develop into the early stages of depression.
Other forms of depression develop from events that are traumatic in nature. Whether it be being bullied or belittled or embarrassed in front of others. These forms of depression are often built upon to create self image issues as well as trust issues.
Another form of depression is often fueled by extremely traumatic experiences such as a death in the family, abuse of any kind, being severely mistreated or degraded by those close to you or other equally terrifying events such as natural disasters or wars.
Lastly, there is inherited depression. A form of depression that may not have a reason to exist but still does because it was passed down from one or both parents. This form of depression is often long lasting and will likely require a lifetime of treatment. Granted, almost every form of depression is a lifetime battle as there is no real cure for it. But that doesn't mean it can't be managed.
Chapter 2 - The Beginnings of Depression and the Development of Negative Core Beliefs
After an event or series of events, the brain begins to form connections in order to understand the perceived reality. The perception is built upon previous experiences and if that previous experience is negative, say your parents forgot to pick you up from school. The first time may not be enough to develop a true core belief that your parents will never be there for you. But let's say that they've promised to pick you up for every single day and fail to do so. Each time, they claim they'll be there. Yet you consistently end up walking for 45 minutes home. Eventually your brain will develop a core belief that your parents aren't to be trusted and so you don't even bother to ask anymore and every time it's mentioned, you shrug it off. The foundation is set for the core belief to take hold and the structure is in place. As this structure is built upon, it leads to feelings of resentment, perhaps even hostility, and may even leave the child to question their worth, as well as their ability to trust others. Just from this one core belief, the roots of depression take hold.
Traumatic events have the nasty capability to foster depression. These usually only take a singular event which can become an overriding factor in the structure of a core belief. Mostly pertaining to one's self, the world around them or other people. Once the core belief has developed, further events tend to stack onto it as it grows. The mind growing more and more of it's convictions of self loathing, hatred of the world around the self or those around them. This particular style of depression is most often displayed in fits of rage, self harm or mutilation and even animal abuse or abuse of siblings or fellow children. The actions may be involuntary in nature, where one does feel the action is wrong but they cannot seem to control themselves. Which leads to a strong sense of worthlessness and hopelessness as change may seem impossible.
Extremely traumatic events can usher in severe cases of depression almost immediately and can lead to suicidal ideations and even behaviors. An extremely traumatic event creates several core beliefs at once in most cases. As it is founded in a fear of safety, security, and the notion that one is loved or wanted. These sets of core beliefs can develop monumental structures that aren't just based on perception of previous events but also forecasting similar situations should the self come under any threat. The fight response can range from overly active to completely inactive and the flight response can be overwhelming in such a way that the mind perceives nearly everything and everyone as a potential threat.
Hereditary depression is a bit more difficult to explain as the symptoms can vary. It may seem like there never really was a time that one wasn't cursed by this form of depression. In may be present in the earliest of memories. Which will inevitably corrupt nearly every core belief about the self, the world and those around them. Leaving little room for positive growth and perspectives.
Chapter 3 - The Growing Stages of Depression and the Fortifying of the Prison of the Mind
Back to our first subject that had developed a core belief that built structures of mistrust. As feelings of isolation, being let down and not being able to trust the ones closest to them grow. The depression begins to call into question things like self worth. "Do I really deserve to be picked up?" And perhaps even developing excuses to stem the tides "maybe they were just too busy for me" which leads to feelings of irrelevancy and worthlessness. The mind already begins to attack the self in an effort to come to terms with the external environment. This is where the stages of depression become more severe and emotional stability becomes less and less.
In the traumatic line, as change becomes more and more difficult. The mind has to find ways of venting, often becoming more extreme the longer it goes unchecked. This can lead to narcissistic personality disorder, sociopathy and psychopathy. As the depressed mind tries to find methods if ventilation but never seem to be capable of fully letting go. The mind begins to depersonalize and become apathetic in nature. Outcome is all that matters at this pointaand the desired outcome is to feel some sort of relief from the demons inside.
On the extremely traumatic line, as more and more things begin to be established as threats, one secluded themselves away from reality, often substituting with a more fantastical perception of a figment of reality. This isn't to be confused with the introverted nature to create a fantasy reality. This particular instance is much worse and the individual may find themselves unable to leave. Cutting off from all external ties to the threats of the outside world. This can lead to emotional and physical masochism or "beating yourself silly". It may even begin to present in suicidal thoughts and behaviors. Something found more frequently in the darker ends of depression.
Then there is the hereditary line of depression. This can play out in a number of ways when left unchecked. An individual may experience bouts of rage or self harming or extended periods of isolation. It just depends on which core beliefs have been built on the most. Even leading to suicidal thoughts and behaviors, much like the others.
This is where I'm going to leave off for right now. It's almost 2am and I'm getting tired. Expect part 2 within the next 8-12 hours. I hope you found this information helpful and educational. Have a good day/night/morning/afternoon. You are loved, I promise.
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I learnt more about myself reading this then across the last 10 years of my life, thank you,
I hope your doing okay!
ReplyI'm glad it was helpful, truly
ReplyFeeling sorry for oneself also brings on depression.
ReplyThat's in the coming entries. Usually it's based around the deeper end of depression. I know it may seem pathetic, but you have to be constantly beating yourself up in order to feel like that all the time
Reply