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I gotta honestly wonder what's not wrong with me. Here, let me show you what I mean.
Extreme Depression: Treatment resistant, existential, chemical, cognitive.
High functioning anxiety: treatment resistant, avoidance of any and all conflict (with others or alone)
Codependency: willingness to sacrifice myself for a romantic partner, never asserting my own needs or boundaries (I don't generally have boundaries in love beyond not cheating)
Borderline personality disorder: when I am functioning somewhat normal, my mood can swing from being highly optimistic to completely pessimistic. I have troubles believing my partner wants to be with me (when I have one), it's kind of always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
C-PTSD: Haunted by the several forms of trauma I've endured, ranging from abuse, neglect, breakups, and even trauma that i inflicted into others.
Narcissistic tendencies: I do want and need assurance and it how I get self worth, when someone actually needs me to do something. I don't want to be the center of attention and I can admit I've hurt others so it's not full blown NPD.
Failure to launch syndrome: Also known as Peter Pan syndrome, I've never managed to have a running life, vehicle, home, partner, emotional stability, support network etc etc etc.
Previous suicide attempts: well over 20 different attempts in at least 12 different ways.
Every time I look into my personality, I find more and more things that are wrong with me and I quickly lose sight of them because there's just so many things wrong with me and it's pathetic.
I utterly loathe myself for who I am and these doctors wonder why they can't seem to break me. I am unbreakable, because I'm already so very broken.
I can 5ry to build a foundation, but for me, I have to build everything, every foundation. My life, friendship, love, employment, financial, material, all of it.
How am I supposed to operate when I know so much stress would be on my shoulders, should I choose to change my lifestyle.
I know all the basic steps, as I've said before. But let's be honest here, I'm more than half way through my life and building from ground zero feels so pointless because at any moment it could all be swept away.
There is so much wrong with me and I hate it. I hate me. I hate this life, this body, this mind, these thoughts, these emotions, every single thing possible, actions, decisions, choices, paths, events, all of it. I hate all of it and I can't stop hating all of it. I've tried and tried, there just is no relief. I just want to be done.
i just want to go away forever.
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Huh...
Either you're suffering from some very similar conditions or you literally just copy pasted my post from a while back.
ReplyI have no intention of copy pasting others problems, as that is none of my business, I have looked at your post and honestly, I now fear for what I will receive in the near future, now that I see your post, I just don't know what to think right now.
Replyhttps://novni.com/letters/read/238067/everything-is-wrong-with-me
ReplyI read this same post a while ago. I have already answered. Are you copying someone else's post? It looks like it.
ReplyI have no intention of copy pasting others problems, as that is none of my business, I have looked at your post and honestly, I now fear for what I will receive in the near future, now that I see your post, I just don't know what to think right now.
Reply