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Every day I wake up to the same thing. The pain in my chess that never stops. Every day is a living hell for me. Every single moment I am looked down at. I am compared to my younger brothers. I am compared to my friends. I am compared to my family. There was not once a person in my family who would hear me out. If I told them how I felt they would despise me and only use my feelings in their anger. That's now why I only keep it to myself. It's a shame how I use to think that I was living in a happy family. I look at my mom and wonder, how many times did she help me when I needed her? If I think about it, not even once. My mom hates me. She hated me on the day I was born. Maybe because I am not a male. I feel like my life is useless and that there is no point in living. The only thing I have left is myself. I am not smart. My brothers seem happier when they hang out with my friends. I am trying. If only I was smart and pretty. Maybe then I didn't need to worry about life anymore. I am jealous of those who are born into this world and is already loved deeply no matter who they are, what they are, their looks, their traits. I do not know what happiness is anymore. I wish in my next life I could become a bird. Flying so freely without any stress. No one to despise you. No worries. And your soul is as light as a feather.
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Dude if no one is loving you then just love yourself. Imagine a friend of yours is in same situation, what will you did. I bet you will comfort her. Right. Then do same thing to you as well. Give comfort to you as well. Give love to you as well. Give care to you as well. Make yourself so busy in growing yourself. Learn something new daily. Learn every day. Then one day you will have such a treasure of knowledge, so everyone wants to come closure to you. Do what you enjoy the most.
ReplySome people are loved but don't see it, so what's the point? Some people know they're loved but feel guilty and undeserving of it. Some people are loved by everybody but just can't love and accept themselves. Some people aren't loved by many and don't love themselves either, how is that different from the person who is loved but doesn't recognise it? My point is, everyone has a fair share (well, not really fair in all cases) of gaps in their life, but you just need to accept that. Some people will be smarter than you and prettier than you and have more loving parents than you. Some people will be dumber than you and more physically unattractive than you and have a worse family and friend relationships. Always. No matter how high up you go, there's always going to be people with aspects of their life present as gaps in yours. What your doing is making you feel worse and draining your energy. Honestly, just focus on yourself. Once you grow and flourish by learning to love and accept yourself (via the things you tell yourself, food you eat and spiritual and physical and mental exercise you do), then these same people, as well as many others, will suddenly start loving you (except hopefully at that point you'll feel less needy of it as you'd love yourself, though obviously all humans have emotional needs to some extent). You've got this, OK? It's not so easy, but anyone can grow. You're body is not rock and constantly changing in response to your lifestyle, your brain has neuroplasticity so you can become smarter, etc. Don't compare the beginning of your journey to somebody else's middle ( I forgot where this quote is from). Have a good day, and begin your journey now. Baby steps. I really wish I knew you personally. I am also in a journey and feel this way sometimes, but used to everyday. I really hope that helped. I know I am a stranger but I believe in you a lot.
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