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There's a lot going on. I'm worried about money. I have never felt confident, so I always feel like I'm going to lose my job. I'm in a semi high-demand field, and yet my hours never feel guaranteed. I was trying to pay off my loans, but my little brother just lost his scholarship, so now I'm trying to pay his tuition. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep him in school. I don't think I'll be able to do anything after this semester. He's only a sophomore. My dad just screamed at me, and slammed my door really hard. I'm too old cry, but it almost made me devolve into a little kid getting yelled at by her dad. He's under a lot of stress. Lost his job, had to start his career over after 25+ years. Just lost his job again. He's getting so old. He shouldn't have to work anymore. He's not doing well financially. My mom keeps talking about emotionally traumatic things from her past. I want her to heal, but I don't want to hear about it anymore. She was supposed to be the rock in the family, and now I see her cracks. My older brother is the reason we are not homeless. He can't even save up for his wedding because he has to make sure we have food on the table and a roof on our heads.
I'm trying to lose weight. One day I was 120, then I woke up after graduating grad school and my new job, and I'm 160+. I don't know what happened. I'm sick of myself. I can feel myself slipping into eating disorders. I'm too old to do that. It's embarrassing. I'm too old to cry after getting screamed at. I should be too old to be screamed at. I wish I didn't eat so much today. I'm so weak. I ate too much.
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