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its so funny how i can fake my smile and my feelings to everyone. i am a very difficult person and its just hard to find myself you know. and its just so weird that there are people who want you to be how they want you to be. i am exhausted and tired. but there are two things that keep me going and those are my anchors without these two i would probably be lost and couldnt find myself anymore. uhm i just dont know how to explain. i just find myself in a world thats just living while my body is alive but not my soul not my spirit. wow i just dont have any words you know. there are so many reasons i cant be me anymore because the real me the happy me is dead and sometimes she shows up but just for a split second.
you see my story begins froma very young age.
i am not pretty i am not normal i am special and somehow i care for people way to much and even to those who hate me.
i got bullied alot when i was a kid.
i was getting called so many names like tramp, infectious, ugly and thief well lest just say these words killed me the real me he happy me and sometimes i wonder what i ever did to those people because im human i have feelings u know. getting called a thief is like getting a knife in my heart and the funny part is that those people stole things from me and told me that its my fault well i was naive and stupid.
and you know i was always putting a smile on my face while i was just broken. and having so many responsibilities at a young age. being the eldest really sucks. i was always the one getting blamed for things that was not my fault. how do i find myself how like how please i need to know because i feel like im slipping and falling from the edge. yeah that was my pathetic story and a part f my toxic life. and of course there is more but i still need alot of courage to tell that. :( thank you for reading
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You probably feel like you lose yourself a lot like shards of glass everywhere you pick up. The truth is you don’t find yourself. You probably feel really lost. And it’s okay if you do. You’re none of the things you’re told you are and you’ve probably started believing it subconsciously because of how much you’ve been told it. You already know who you are deep down. Your powerful emotions are one part of your immense resilience. Your huge personality and just this amazing powerful soul. It’s not pathetic. And seriously why do you want to be normal. Why conformity. Screw normal. Screw pretty. Do you really think your looks define who you are. That some girl who looks like a barbie doll is better than you because she gets more guys. It’s all temporary and fake. All of it. Cherish who you are. You’re not worthless at all. Please never ever think that. It’s okay to feel like this but realise that you are this person who’s so beautiful who’s better than some girl who looks like a doll. You’re irreplaceable. And you’ve done so much. Give yourself some credit. Be nicer to yourself. You deserve it. It’s not going to be easy to love yourself. It’s harder than it sounds and it won’t happen in a day. But at the end of the day the person who looks back at you in the mirror-you have your own back. Care for them like you’d care for someone you loved because at the end of the day it’s not your fault even if it feels like it is and if it’s because of the way you’ve been treated or neglected even.
Replythank you so much! you really dont know how much this means to me :)
i hope u will have a good life.
Replywhat they said ^ lol no but seriously, pretty much everything this person above me said, they're right. Personally I couldn't have said it better but I just comment too so that you know you're not alone and you have more supporters here. Keeping pushing forward, try to do your best and don't ever give up friend. We are here for you love <3 hope this helps. Good luck to you and have a great rest of your day!
ReplyThank you! so so much i am trying to recover and i am definitly trying to love myself more. u are the best and i could never ask for better supporters.
ReplyHello so like i honsely understand what u are going though and i feel like u just gotta take it the right way and i know it might sound werid me saying that but if someone is calling u names just know that they are only saying that bc they are jelly of what you have and when i get bullyed i just tell my slef that they are bullying me because they are not happy with them self and how they look and i feel like you should talk to some one abt how u are feeling and you need to know who u trust and u just need to relazie what makes u happy
Replythank you so much love.
i do have my best friend and she is my soulmate and my everything without her i would be lost along time ago. she is living a very hard life either and we both help each other but its just she recently moved to another state and its just different to tell someone about evrything trough the phone. you know and i hope that if she comes back i will tell her evrything. and thank you sooooo much for everything.
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