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Society is probably the biggest pain in the arse, life following near by.
Society is like an obnoxious nagging relative, telling you how to dress, walk, talk and probably worse, think.
So I’m going to tell you how I think and I bet you sure as hell society will disagree.
I think empathy isn’t real. No matter what the other person has felt, they can never feel the same as me. Empathy is foolish. No matter what, everyone will be sympathetic. Not empathetic.
I also think society should stop telling them what to do. We are in charge of our own bodies and mind, we should be accepted.
I hate pitiful gazes, I hate it when people act like they know everything, hypocrisy, feeling trapped and feeling unworthy.
So now, I’m going to tell you about my “disorder”. No, I haven’t been to a doctor and been diagnosed. But society will be pissed if I don’t call it a disorder.
I talk to people that aren’t there. I smile randomly when a stray thought enters my mind. I whisper under my breath and I practise not breathing. Also images enter my mind, scenes of bloodshed, terror and death.
But the thing is I think clearly when I do it. It’s I dunno, a bit of a ceremony at night. I lay in bed. I pretend I’m in a public place. I picture myself fainting for a reason. I picture myself not breathing. Cutting myself (in my head not IRL) and things. I want to see the reactions the faces of my friends if they know what I’m thinking.
Long long long long long long ago in February I wrote a boy a letter. People found out and constantly teased me. Then I went through a phase where I wanted to hurt them that teased me, show them how powerful I could be.
Then I wanted to be mad. So technically I’m not. But schizos deny they are mad, so maybe that makes me mad because a deny it. I utterly deny it.
It’s good enough for me to know that I can strangle someone, which has stopped me from a path. So I know what I’m doing. But society is hella pissed.
But who is society?
To me society is the majority of snobs and junkies and idiots and stick-in-arse faces. The wealth-consuming-selfish absorbed turds. And then some.
Also nothing is ever ever important. Not happiness, not friends, not clothes, not food, not water. We don’t need to live. Society judges you if you don’t want to live. And then it judges you when you don’t live the right way. Society has funded life, so it’s not even life anymore... it’s a game with different stages so we can die happily ever after and call ourselves adult.
Everything is unimportant, everything is artificial, (which is probably why most things rile me up).
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I watched a movie the other day about a man who lived way out in the bush with his daughter. Someone walking near their shelter saw her and told the police who then found them and took them back to society. They were each given a psychological test and a man who saw their picture and story (as they were 'unhoused') gave them a small house to live in and gave the man a job on his property. The daughter was happy but the man wasn't because a social worker kept turning up with papers for him to sign. The man told the daughter that the only privacy they had was inside the house because people could see them when they went outside. He packed and left taking his daughter with him. They travelled by bus and hitched a ride with a truck driver to a place where they could live in the bush again. However, because he had an accident they lived near people again. And again the girl liked it but he didn't so the girl stayed and he went on his way to live in the bush away from people and society with all of its rules. He and his daughter were separated but he couldn't handle people and society. You remind me of this man. The thing is that we are so brain washed and conditioned by the establishment that we think this is the way we should live. We live as a herd all more or less doing the same things. The hippies in the 1960s had the idea of getting away from the establishment with their hippy communes but these didn't last. And now with this corona virus things are even worse.
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