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Happiness and I don’t live too far apart from each other. But if you never take the steps to get to a destination, no matter how close, you will never get there.
Happiness and I are no strangers either. There have been parts of my life when I had less material goods, less knowledge, knew fewer people, etc. But nevertheless, parts of my life when I was content. Of course, these were times when I was only a child who didn’t see the multiple less-than-ideal facets of the world yet.
Happiness and I now have a rather complicated affair. One that boasts being a function of multiple variables like time, space, history, prospect, material wealth, social experiences, professional experiences, ever evolving familial and friendship dynamics, and even world politics.
I have stopped counting days when I would experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows within a span of hours. No drugs. No dramatic personal life changes. My brain doesn’t need a stimulant to flex like this. It is one wild acrobat.
As I discover my demons and powers, staying calm and stable has been far from effortless. I put on a show. But not always reliably so. I break down more often now. I disappear into my cocoon and avoid people more often now. You’d think that after 25 years of mingling with humans, I’d have built up some finesse. But you would be wrong. Forget finesse, I’ll take anything less embarrassing than looking like a complete alien who just stumbled on a social interaction for the first time.
All this to say:
I don’t know how to keep relationships healthy. I am either too much or too scarce. And my efforts to moderate my attachment to people always end up with me looking a fool, if not a complete creep/weirdo.
So what I am saying is, please teach me how to human. Please and thank you!
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