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My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He is my first love. When we first got together, he had a difficult time trusting me due to things that had happened in his other relationships and something that had happened a few days after we met. For the first few months we were together, we had ups and downs. We would argue about dumb little things and I knew he still didn't trust me. We put those things behind us as we moved forward together and tried to work on things. I trust him with everything and I love him, and I never want to leave him even though we get in arguments, which get resolved and we work through them. We always talk about a future together and are working towards that. Now that we've been together for this time, I just found out something yesterday that I wish I never did. He was taking a nap and I was just on his phone looking at messages on Instagram. Not my proudest moment but I trust him and knew there wasn't any harm if I looked. I was wrong. About 2 months into our relationship I found out that he was messaging a bunch of girls, either that he was talking to before he met me or knew from school that they were beautiful and super pretty (not the biggest deal) but what I found next hurt and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Christmas time was coming up and he had bought me a necklace, which I still have and wear. Two months in he still didn't trust me bc he thought I was cheating and had "found someone better" even though I told him over and over I never did and would never do (which is true). He had gotten into an argument with me, which I thought was resolved, but was messaging this girl 2 days before we went on a vacation and he met my extended family. He was asking her if she wanted the necklace that he bought for me because "we broke up and she found someone better" which wasn't true. we never even talked about breaking up but there he was trying to give the necklace to 2 other girls, while still having me as his girlfriend. this may not be the biggest deal but it's the fact that I trust him and I had to find out that way. I shouldn't have snooped but I wish he would have just told me. it just really tore me apart and hurt my feelings knowing that he did that. even though it was so long ago it just hurts. I don't really think I'm asking for advice I just really needed to get this out. If anyone has advice or wants to comment feel free
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Leave him this instance, if you don't want your life to be destroyed.
ReplyHowever, for your safety, leave him without blaming him. Say "I have to leave you, I am sorry. May you forgive me." and then do not reply to his messages, do not let him come to your house, break all contact with him completely.
ReplyNONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. He seems like a very manipulitive person who is trying to make you out to be the bad guy. He seems toxic.
ReplyIt seems as though something must’ve went down in his other relationships for him to feel that way it’s not your fault it’s probably his former GF’s that might’ve did something to him
ReplyMy wife and I were friends with benefits before we became serious. I finally told her that I loved her and wanted to be with her and I wanted us to live together. She said she felt the same way.
I found out recently that after we agreed to moving forward she slept with 2 other guys. She admitted to seeing both of them multiple times be for we moved in together and became official.
This is after we both said we love each other. This was long time ago. But it still haunts my thoughts. Do something about it now and see if it helps.
If I would have known that happened I wouldn’t be married to her now
ReplyI think you should directly ask him about it all ... and if he cannot trust you then there is no point in being with him.
Trust is the most impossible thing in a relationship,if he is not trusting you right now what are the chances that he will trust you in future , it's been a year since you are dating and the thing that he still doesn't trust you is insane .
And from what you said I think technically you should be the one not trusting him from the way he said to those other girls that you guys broke up , he is the one who might probably cheat on you because of his own insecurities..
Just clear it out with him and still if he can't trust you , leave him you deserve way too better than this.
ReplyIn romantic love - trust no one. Not even yourself. It is just a fact of the times we live in.
Reply