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I just want somewhere to see this in words. Maybe some advice, maybe some words of encouragement. But mostly just to see myself write down how I'm feeling.
On a whim I decided to start eating better and do alot of hiking/walking/running just anything that will keep me active. I didn't really have a plan and still don't. I'm kinda just doing it day by day. But I've made some amazing progress. I've dropped around 15+ lbs give or take. And I'm really proud of myself. I've always been the big kid it feels like everywhere and with that I've always held on to alot of self hate. Which I'm working on with a therapist. I'm now down to 258 which was my last weigh in a week ago. It's hard really hard. Especially with so many temptations and my family around who eat a lot less healthier. On top of my anxiety and starting a new job soon I'm pretty scared but I keep on pushing. I've noticed however some dwindling motivation. It's hard for me to get up early mornings, and eat right and find recipes I could make that will keep me in the right track. As of now I've kinda been eating the same thing which as you would guess is kinda starting to get to me. I try new recipes like I said but whenever I feel my stomach is heavy I always get anxious like "Did I eat to much?" "Was that really healthy?". I'm afraid of being full. Which I know isn't something good. But I'm also just afraid if putting in this hard work and the benefits are not gonna to pay off. It's a self love journey and I'm working on the outer as well as the inner. I'm just so afraid of Messing up and not looking like the person I want to. I know this is my journey and everyone is different...but I just want to feel like I'm going to make it there, like I will be that guy in the magazine, like I will love what I see. Instead of avoiding the self I just dislike so much rn.
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Keep going with what you are doing, you are on the right track. It is very good that you have a therapist who will help and encourage you because it is easy to give up when you are doing this alone. Best of luck to become the person you want to be.
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