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So a person passed away and I've been mourning them. This was three fucking years ago. And its not like I knew them personally. He was a musician. And his music really touched me. His words... it felt like he understood me in a way nobody else had. Even if I didn't know him, I knew him. You know? He saved my life if we're being honest here. He saved millions of lives. But he couldn't save his own. He committed suicide. I heard the news and I thought it was fake at first. I learned it was real and I was in shock. I was numb. I genuinely didn't know what to do because when life was a bitch to me he was what kept me going. Knowing that he would want me to stay alive. I never knew him but something told me he would want me to keep pushing. So I was hopeless. People told me that it was just a musician and to get on with my life. To stop mourning someone I didn't know. They didn't sympathize at all. So I was at an all time low. I denied it. I was angry and upset. He had a family. Friends. Fans who depended on him. Having depression I know first hand what it does to a person. So I can't be mad at him for that. I tried to bargain with the universe, wishing that it could be me (Who is nothing) instead of him (Who is everything to so many people). I cried thinking that someone who saved me was just gone. Yet I still can't reach acceptance. I cry when I listen to his last song. He was a hilarious, thoughtful, amazing person. I miss him so fucking much. Nobody felt sympathy for me when we lost him. Nobody I knew said, "Hey, I knew his music meant a lot to you. Are you okay?". Not once. They talked about how they had it worse and I just... I don't fucking know. I'm finding it so hard to move on. I never knew him. I'm sure the people that did know him are slowly moving on. So why can't I. I just need advice on how I can accept it. How can I accept the fact that somebody I idolized killed himself. Idk. God I miss him. "Who cares if one more light goes out? I do." He never realized when he said this that we would eventually be singing these words for him. :'( I honestly don't know anymore.
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ReplyUgh I'm having this same issue. A death of a musician who saved my life too. His music and lyrics spoke to my soul. I think whether we know the person or not like that, it still hurts. It's like a comfort thing maybe. Knowing we will never hear from them. Ressuarance. New music. Anything. It hurts. It's something we had when we were hurting. It's comfort. It's okay to grieve. It's okay for it to hurt. This person meant a lot to you, and helped you through horrible times. It's okay to let it hurt. Whether people understand or not. You have empathy.
ReplyYou did know him! Think of it like this. You got to know him thru his words thru his style thru his vibes thru his humor thru essence and bc you related with him so well means he could of understood you,and did know you. To see a light to recognize a light we must have a light within in us,you know? You were in him. Maybe he was apart of your soul family and you knew each other in a past life were you helped him and he lost you. Even in this life you helped him. I believe when we think of someone and laugh about them or love them they get that energy sent to them. But if he inspired you why did he leave this world. Well people who inspire and shine bright very bright are like lighthouses guiding a ship,. The thing is lighthouses stand alone. And bc they shine they are hard to get close to bc there big and bright and there job isn't to meet you it's to point you in the direction you need. There taken advantage of and never meet most of those sailors,or in your case fan. They leave bc they just black out and everyone feels lost. So maybe he chose to help you from afar,who cares if you never seen him in person,bc you got to meet his soul. Don't be ashamed that you can't get over him it's just love and there's nothing wrong with that
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