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Have you ever felt like something bad might happen when you are way too happy in a moment? I do. Every time I feel like I am in a happy moment, there is this daunting feeling within me, almost like as if something bad might happen. I happen to think very negative most of the time, take the worst case scenario in anything. I am not surprised when bad things happen to me. Sometimes when I see something so beautiful like the sunset or nature, I feel so happy I eventually cry (sometimes mentally) because I feel like I don't deserve to see such beautiful moments. When beggars pass by while I am traveling, or when I see poor people or poor families doing their daily work, I bend my head down because I feel helpless and guilty for not being able to help them and succumb to my selfishness. Like I feel a huge sense of guilt as if I have done something to such people in my past life or smth. When I listen to a beautiful song, I feel like crying because it sounds so beautiful. Sometimes I just want to randomly cry because I feel empty. I have never felt complete and I am only a teenager. Haven't experienced major active part of my life and I feel like I have scanned and read through every kind of experiences and feeling in this world. I completely understood this world. The nature of how this world works at least. Now I seem to see things in every perspective and not just one and that makes me feel empty and incomplete. I have lost most of my confidence too. I am trying to find ways to love myself and give my beautiful self some confidence and belief in myself but something or the other keeps happening. Snippets of my dreams keep happening in real life and I am so consciously sure of it that it is not a deja vu and a dream happening. I listen to new music notes in my dreams or a new story unfolding. I don't know what and who I am, what I want to really be and do. I am starting to question my existence and it is endless. I feel over sensitive and extreme anxiety dawns upon me while i am doing my academic work. And I feel like I am a huge hypocrite sometimes. Uff. I typed out a lot. Thanks for reading anyways because I wanted someone to read my thoughts out. Have a good day and thank you for existing. : )
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OH MY GOD !!
I cannot tell you we are so similar in so many ways... I feel the same thing when I see someone doing so hard work just for their survival and when I see poor people or when I see sunset or when I listen to some song and the confidence part and the knowing life part. OMG !!
Dont take it wrong but I would really like to talk to you sometime, If you're in some social media just anywhere we can talk just to know about each other or for some Life Lessons or you know the deep talks that we see people doing in movies at 4 am, I feel like you that kind of person with whom I can discuss those beautiful things. I am a girl btw haha.
Don't take it wrong !!
(Just comment if you're interested)
ReplyOh wow! Nice to see that there are people who think similar. Heck yeah I am interested!
Maybe we can get in touch through insta or smth. My id is thearch_t (it's an art account of mine btw)
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