College Struggles

Background: I am a 19 year old female who lives with her parent's still. I am now in my second semester of [online] college. The first semester my parents were paying for it and I was full time, I ended up doing poorly and was withdrawn from one class and then flunked another--so I passed 2/4 classes. I ended up getting a bad GPA in result. I am now in my second semester of [online] college and went from pursuing four classes down to two classes. I am also now paying for my own college by working a part time job.

My issue/concern is this: I am questioning this whole college life and just don't know anything about anything--if that makes sense. I am a legal "adult" and yet know nothing about "adulting" so there is this almost impending doom of failing at life, being in debt, and/or homeless. I want to pursue college, but I'm not taking it seriously enough. I haven't "matured" yet nor gained an understanding of just how serious this all is(even after the fact I did poorly) or, if I have I seem to simply not care enough. I doubt myself, what I want to be or do(as I still don't know and feel I should already), and if even once I know what I want, if I'll even be able to achieve it(especially being the way I am right now).

It's like I'm sitting in a burning house and I'm saying "this is fine, the house is still in pact" and when the house is gone saying, "well, the floor is still here" and just sitting without movement and repeating the process with a new house.

A part of me wants college, sees potential, success, a "golden ticket" for all my hard work and then another part of me is questioning, doubting, uncaring, but still wanting to be successful.

I figured I must be wanting success without working hard for success, but a part of me realizes that isn't 100% true and there must be more to it than that. At least so I think.

Also a huge factor that plays into this is I'm Christian, so if anyone would like to pray for me please do.