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I’m feeling happy with myself now. I turned down for the third time the guy I thought I was in love with when I was 14. I used to think he was the love of my life, I used to cry my heart out because of him, I used to text him without getting any answer from him, I used to hear that he was with other girls, and I always thought that something was wrong with me because he didn’t want me back. I wrote him a 4 pages love letter, which he read without even commenting on it. This is the guy who kept my “nudes” in his phone allowing whoever got his phone in hand to see it. And I was called slut for it. A year ago, more or less, he broke up with his last girlfriend and started texting me. He used to creep me out. He wanted nudes, but in a very specific and awkward way and I don’t know why I always agreed to it, didn’t help me feeling good in my body though. After months of casually talking and a lockdown, I agreed to meet him. It was awful. He talked all the time, pushed me into doing things in his car, “ironically” threatened me to kill me if I stopped giving him pleasure ( I don’t know this may be some kind of kink or role play but definitely didn’t enjoy it) and he disappeared. He started texting me a month later and since then he’s always asking me to hang out and I simply cannot anymore. I used to be afraid to let him go, because I thought I had to do that for my poor adolescent-self but I’m trying to be a new person now, I’m trying to finally overcome all the traumas I’ve experienced because of men, trying to move on and grow to feel better with myself, to allow myself love and to be ready to give all the love I have to someone I really want and who’s not going to take it for granted. So, I’m sorry if you had to read all of this maybe thinking what’s the big deal about all this, but It’s a win for me, against the type of girl I was thought to be, the one who gets assaulted, manipulated, treated like an object, but needs to keep being sweet and available for those assaulters, manipulators, toxic people. Today, with a simple and short rude text, chose myself over male validation, and it’s a big win for me and I wanted to celebrate with all the people that shares on this platform, the same experiences as mine. Love you all
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You're a strong woman! I hope you find somebody to make you happy and if you don't, I hope you find happiness in your own heart and find peace and joy with the people you surround you.
ReplyAwesome, these are the choices one can make that will change their life forever in a positive way. Many of us, like myself, have made the choice we shouldn’t have made over and over and now it feels like we’re stuck. But you didn’t make that same mistake so always remember that when you make important decisions in the future.
ReplyRemember there’s always time to change the kinds of decisions you can make for yourself and for the people you love. Before being able to say no, I was stuck too, I thought I didn’t have a chance or that simply this was how it was supposed to be. If you allow yourself to understand deeply all the things that are not right for you, if you give yourself just a little time to have the courage to stand up for yourself you’ll be able to set free. Just remember it’s a process, it’s not going to be made overnight and you might fall into it again. I might too for what I know, but just know that you can heal.
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