What are you looking for?
2 months ago · · heartbreak,
It started with bush light and whiskey-she preferred neither. “Be one of the guys, low maintenance, and keep it cool”, she thought. In all reality she would have way more fun with slutty friends on a night out at the ghetto bar strip that her mom knew nothing about-let’s keep it that way. But the matter of the fact was she tried way too hard, just internally. Bottled up, not showing insecurities. She longed for him to give her an eye glance and look at HER while his crowd loving jokes left his beautiful lips. How could a human be so perfect? His lips. Her vision got blurry her but to keep up she had to fake it. She had to be in control, she wanted to remember.
Soon she was on her way to a hot girl party, packed like sardines in an old rusted hand me down truck. Next to him, thighs pressed together. The warmth, the closeness. The alcohol flowing through blood streams, thick clouds of vapor filled the room. TikTok girls dancing on table tops, a room filled with unspoken enemies. And out of everyone it was her. His eyes landed on her. He clung to her. His feel good at home being. He was leaving with her. The crowd trying not to shook faces when seeing them together. Didn't she have a boyfriend? She didn’t care. And the best part was, neither did he. They lit up the room, talk of the function, and all they could do was laugh. He begged to leave externally can she longed to leave but instead internally. Aching to be next to him in the back of the truck again. Feel his warmth. Have him all to herself. She knew he was half a bottle deep but she was happy and thankful for it. He needed it to loosen up, and so did she.
They flew around in the backseat carelessly. Not worrying anything, frog free and present. Singing 2000s rap and laughing. She hadn’t laughed like that since she was a child. It was genuine. Hoping that moment would never leave her. His hand slowly met her thigh, this time on purpose. The only light was coming from the dash in the front seat. The drunk bodies next to them could feel it too. It’s almost like everyone around them knew that they were destined to be. They couldn’t let themselves fall back into the cycle. They were each other‘s drug, addicting, do or die. It hurt so good and it always burned in the end. She turned to him admiring his happiness. She was already falling and she didn’t even know it. His lips stopped moving and his eyes met hers. They stared into each other souls like soul food. They both felt it. His hand reach for her brush cheek and for once she didn’t pull away. She was paralyzed. Her body, her mind. His hand on her cheek was like fire and ice all in one. Burning hot and deadly cold, stiffening her. He pulled her closer and part his lips leaving her breathless. He didn’t stop. She begged him not to.
Then he did it. His lips were soft and smooth. Just like she remembered. As their lips interlocked her heart and mind was starting to cleanse. All of the pain and heartache from the last time started to leave her being. She was being reborn. She didn’t know what pain was anymore, like an innocent child. All the heartache, memories of her cry to her father, having to sleep with her mother at night, not eating because she was too sick, the depression, the anxiety, the breakdowns before school, and the school bathroom, and after school, the crying in the car before and after work, sleeping to escape the pain, not being able to sleep because it hurt too much, losing 15 pounds in one month, hair falling out, the pain in her stomach, heart, and throat she felt for years after when someone mentioned his name or when she saw a truck like his on the road. It all disappeared. The guilt, the grief, the despair. He mended all of it with his lips.