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Hi Momma, I'm so sorry for this always remember how much I love you, even though it doesn't seem like it because well I killed myself. You might be feeling angry, sad, betrayed, and heartbroken and for that I am so sorry but I couldn't do it any longer. I couldn't just keep existing because I wasn't living, I felt numb and sad and like there was nothing else for me to do in life I had a voice in my head telling me to go through with it and if your reading this it means I did. You will never understand why I did what I did nor do I expect you to, I just want you to know that you are so strong and so beautiful and I love you very much. Thank you for all the memories and life lessons and for the life you gave me, you don't deserve this nobody does and this was the most selfish thing I could do. You deserve the world forever and always- me
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hey, It’s okay to feel this emptiness. It’s okay to feel hurt and betrayed. But what isn’t okay is letting it get to you, so many people will miss you, like your teacher wondering why their favorite student hasn't shown up for school, or a cashier wondering why you haven't come in and bought food for your pet, or even if its just for jokes you've made, You are human, and this life we are given is one meant to be full of highs and lows. This is just a low right now for you, simply a bump in the road. You will get back up and find your way eventually. I believe in you, you are so strong, like, you've made it this far, and I'm so proud of you, u don't wanna give up now, all of this process gone to waste, you don't wanna kill yourself, if you threw yourself at a body of water you would see yourself fighting to survive, u just wanna kill the thing inside of u, and ik its hard, but it'll all be worth it someday, i promise. (:
ReplyHello Mister or Miss;
My name is Nixie and I'm here to tell you that your mother would probably be able to love you a lot more if you had a long conversation about your mental illness(es) over a nice cup of tea or hot cocoa... You see, you have a lot to live for! Have you ever showered with all of your clothes on before? Or have you used the shampoo and conditioner at the same time for no special reason? Have you ever closed your eyes and imagined lying on the forest floor, staring up through the luscious, green leaves? Hey, maybe one day, you could do that! Go to the forest, I mean, heh. I could always go with you, you know. That is, if you were down to go. Haven't you always wanted to see the Northern Lights in person? I mean, I hate the cold, but I think I could handle it for a few hours, at least. Just to see, you know? Oh my God, what if in the future, you have a moment that feels like it's straight out of a movie? You wouldn't want to miss your own movie, would you? Of course not! It's crazy how I didn't catch this too far from when you posted it. It seems that we were both a bit sad at the same time, no? I usually come on here when I'm feeling down, or simply cannot sleep. For some reason, though, yours caught my eye and made me feel not so alone in these deep and gloomy feelings. You love your mother. I can't relate, but somehow it makes me feel like I could love her again. I appreciate that deeply. Listen, friend... I'm just here to offer a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry upon. I'm offering you legs to help support you when you cannot stand and an ear to listen when you are not being heard. I am here for you. Maybe one day, on a day that is as gloomy as our moods right now, we can go and play in the clouds' tears. I hope for a response.
Love,
Nixie :)
Replyhi, thank you for this comment as it gave me a feeling of relief.. I'm not sure why but it did. Reading the comment it made me realize that there really is more to life that I sometimes forget about, you made me want to hang on a little bit longer, thank you. xoxo Reese
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