Tracing Consciousness

Who are you? I don't ask that in some metaphoric sense or idealization, who ARE you?

Not who do you want to be, not what you think you'll be, not even what others think of you. Who ARE you?

The philosophical side of it says "I am [insert emotional statement]". The logical side says "I am [insert factual statement]". The spiritual side says "I am [insert idealized statement]".

Yet, even when I dive down into theses kinds of statements, there's a lot of "why?" Or "why not?"

One might say "I am lost" and that can come acrossed in all three variations. Are you factually lost? Emotionally lost? Or spiritually lost? Or a combination thereof? Or even all three?

Let's take it down a bit further.

Factually lost: I don't know where I'm at, I don't know what time it is, I don't know what place this is.

Emotionally lost: I don't know how I feel, I don't know how to express myself, I don't know how to fit in.

Spiritually lost: I don't know what the best path forward is, I don't know what things await me, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

This is just one tiny example, a mere fraction of possible methods of interpretation. A singular statement of "I am". But are you, really?

Let's dive a bit further still. What do these statements boil down to essentially? They may boil down to concern, fear, anxiety, hopelessness, aimlessness and on and on it goes.

The reason I ask this is because I'm familiar with the notions of these questions. Not just related to a negative perspective either, this spans all sides up and down, side to side. This question of "who am I?".

When we don't have a trajectory, the question gets skewed into "who do I want to be?" Or "how do others view me?" Or even on the lower side of things "what am I?" Or the higher side of "who can I be?".

It's a philosophical question that has been pondered over the thousands of years that human beings have been capable of thinking.

You may even have your own version of answer to this question one way or another; "I'm a human being on planet earth" [factual], "I'm a being of pure consciousness experiencing reality" [spiritual], "I'm the embodiment of my actions and words, projected into reality" [emotional]

So grasp of a concept, whether it be idealized, logical or soulful or any combination thereof.

So who am I? Well, I'm fearful, I'm uncertain, I'm compassionate, I'm lacking direction, I'm lacking control over myself.

Factual/emotional statements with a slight mix of spirituality. What are the ramifications of this? How does it impact how others see me? How does it impact my decisions? (By the way, in case you haven't noticed, I'd encourage you to ask yourself these questions too)

People are less likely to trust me, even without knowing these character flaws of mine. It has made my life a living hell. I think about changing but doing that is where I struggle.

And how do all these things impact my view of who I am?

It makes it all too easy to continue being this way. It makes it easier to accept defeat. It makes it much harder to be connected. It impacts my overall quality of life and therefore, skews my perception of my experience here.

Again, you'll note the same kinds of answers. Emotional/logic with a bit of spirituality mixed in.

I'll admit, these kinds of questions are not easy to answer honestly, even when you're just answering to yourself. Because there is this inherent need to be seen as "good" and "moral". As the "good person".

That's who the vast majority of us want to be. We want to be seen as someone who is kind, smart, loving, caring, hard working, and all these other things. That's just in our nature.

But true honesty can shed a light on it, giving a much more defined perspective of character. Which is honestly and admittedly very difficult to find. It is extremely easy to find yourself casting too much light on who you are or just as equally, too much darkness.

And this is where the real question comes into view here. Who are you? Are you sure? Are you really sure? Are you absolutely sure? How can you be sure? Why are you so sure? Is there any possibility that you're wrong?

Who are you?

And it doesn't matter how hard you try to focus on this question. If you pay too much attention, you will eventually turn to the negative. Even from the most humble position, diving too deep here will bring out negative emotions and beliefs.

So then we're left to determine for ourselves, exactly how deep our character goes. Not every aspect of it can be directly controlled, even though it is your brain, your perception of reality. There is still outside interference on some level of it. Whether it be as shallow as exterior looks or as deep as inherent character flaws. It is there and you will likely be shown it at some point in time.

You could imagine a professional swimmer, dropped out in the middle of the ocean. Left to find their own way back to shore. No land mass in sight, blindfolded, and then spun around for 2 minutes prior to being shoved out into the water.

The blindfold slips off as they impact the water, a moment of disorientation. Only to resurface and have no clue of where they are, which way to go, and the best method to get there. Completely alone.

How long could that swimmer reasonably go before exhaustion sets in? What kinds of dangers lurk under the water? This is the nature of asking the question of "who are you?".